Constant and Changing (kryber)

Chapter 24: You Are My Destiny

Krystal did not realize that she had started crying. Upon hearing Amber's unexpected suggestion that they take a break, Krystal's mind went blank from the shock. But perhaps her heart took over, causing the tears to fall even though her brain had not caught up yet.

As soon as Krystal realized that her cheeks were once again wet with tears, all she could do was stupidly think to herself, "Ah, I'm crying again. Why am I always crying?"

Amber stretched out a sleeved arm and gently wiped Krystal's tears. "Sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry."

"Well what'd you expect me to do after you break up with me, stupid?" Krystal responded bitterly, pulling away.

"I'm not--"

"Is it because I've been sad so much lately?" A dull ache of pain built up in her stomach and exuded to the rest of her body. She began to think about all her flaws and reasons why Amber no longer wanted to be with her. "I'm not gonna be sad forever. Don't give up on me, Am."

"It's not like that," Amber insisted. "I don't want to break up with you, that's not what this is."

"Then what is it? Am I not fun enough for you anymore? Is there someone else you like better?"

Amber managed the smallest of smiles at the ridiculousness of Krystal's assumptions. "You need to stop guessing and let me explain. Your theories are getting worse and worse."

"Well you better talk fast because I'm thinking a hundred different things and none of them are good."

Amber gently tugged on Krystal's wrist. "Come here," she said softly, motioning for Krystal to sit sideways in her lap. 

Krystal eyed her suspiciously. "Are you breaking up with me or not?"

"Not," Amber replied, but the sadness in Amber's face left Krystal still feeling dubious.

"Then what the hell is a 'break' and why do you look so sad?"

With a heavy sigh, Amber wordlessly reached over and lifted Krystal onto her lap. The younger girl gasped in surprise, but provided no resistance as Amber sat her on her lap and hugged her tightly, protectively. With the way that they were sitting, their bodies intertwined in a complete hug, Krystal would have felt wholly safe if not for Amber's "break" suggestion earlier.

"I don't want to break up with you," Amber said, speaking softly into the crook of Krystal's neck. "I love you with all my heart, every day for over six years, and the last thing I want is for us to break up."

"Then why did you say it?" Krystal asked mirroring the softness of Amber's voice. The initial shock and pain had worn away after hearing Amber's sincerity. Now she was just confused and searching for a reasonable explanation for the situation, but the contradiction in Amber's words was not helping her to understand.

"Because I don't know how to make you happy. I thought about it a lot after you left my place yesterday. I couldn't think of anything else to do but this."

"And you thought that breaking up with me would make me happy?"

"No." Somberly, Amber shook her head in the negative. She pulled away from Krystal just enough so that they could see each other without letting each other go. Krystal had never seen Amber look so sad since the days before their debut when Amber had worried if coming to Korea and becoming and idol was the right path for her. Despite her own sadness and confusion, Krystal put a gentle hand to Amber's face and caressed her thumb against Amber's cheek, trying to comfort the older girl.

"Then why did you say it?" Krystal asked again. Krystal rested her forehead against Amber's, trying to put Amber at ease enough so that she would talk. "You said you wanted to explain, so say something. Start from anywhere and I'll listen patiently. Just tell me, why do you think we should take a break?"