Constant and Changing (kryber)

Chapter 26: Love

Fact: Krystal Jung was enjoying her vacation. Fact: Krystal Jung was having a lot of fun in Europe. Fact: Krystal Jung was missing Amber Liu more than she could bear.

Over a week had passed in Krystal's vacation and her days were filled with shopping, exploring, and admiring the art and architecture of European cities. Art and architecture had always been one of her biggest interests. If Krystal hadn't become an idol, she was certain that she would have studied art in college

But as much as Krystal enjoyed the new experiences that this vacation offered, Amber was always in the back of her mind. Throughout the trip, there was always a sense of "Amber would have liked to see this", or "Amber would have liked to eat that." It was just like Amber had described of her own break from Krystal during the Nu ABO era; as the days went by, Krystal missed Amber more and more.

It was interesting when Krystal analyzed her past feelings for Amber. Before they had started dating, she didn't seem to miss Amber any more than she missed her other friends during vacation. But after one week post breakup, the loneliness was palpable.

The longing in Krystal's heart could not be satisfied by Amber's frequent texts and phone calls. If anything, the long-distance contact only exacerbated the loneliness. Krystal wanted to be in the same room with Amber again, to feel Amber's touch on her skin, Amber's warmth beneath her fingers, and Amber's taste in her mouth. Krystal wanted to experience Amber's affections in person.

Christmas came and went while Krystal was overseas. Jessica joined her and their parents in France and they stayed together through New Years. Her older sister's presence helped to keep Krystal's loneliness at bay at first. The familial atmosphere had been lacking as of late since Jessica was traveling to every corner of the world trying to ensure the success of her business. It was fun catching up and hanging out with her sister. But after a few days of playing together, the now familiar longing for Amber returned with a passion.

It didn't help that Amber seemed to be doing just fine without Krystal by her side. Judging by the abundance of updates on Amber's social media, Krystal had been replaced by a slew of friends, male and female, idol and non-idol alike. Krystal had never liked it in the past when Amber hung out with friends outside of their f(x) family, but there wasn't much that Krystal could have done to change Amber's behavior. And since Krystal wanted to keep tabs on Amber now, she had no choice but to put up with it. She watched Amber and Ailee's "One Fine Day" with gritted teeth, enjoying Amber's parts while suppressing a mild rage at Ailee. She checked Amber's Instagram only to catch herself glaring at the smiling faces standing next to her ex-girlfriend.

Jealousy and loneliness were Krystal's new best friends lately.

"Do I even want to be with Amber in the future?" Krystal asked herself on New Year's Eve. It was become harder and harder to enjoy herself when she was constantly thinking about Amber and becoming jealous over Amber's friends, and at last Krystal had to ask herself if Amber was worth the trouble.

She was at a private party at their hotel with family and friends, and the slightly tipsy Krystal eyed the happy couples with a sigh. There was a noticeable gap beside her where Amber could have stood. "Does it have to be Amber?" she wondered, "or do I just not want to be alone?"

It was a difficult question for Krystal to answer in her lonely and intoxicated state. She downed the rest of her wine and started on her fourth glass before Jessica intervened with sisterly concern.

"Whoa there, Jung Soojung," Jessica said, removing the glass from Krystal's hand before the younger girl could finish it. "Your current charmingness is one glass away from sloppy."

"Speaking from experience?" Krystal asked, slightly slurred.

"You should know. You're the one usually taking care of me when I get drunk." Jessica smiled wryly and led her sister back to her room. Krystal obediently allowed herself to be tucked into bed and turned in for the night.

"It's the first sleep of the new year," Jessica reminded her, pulling the covers up to her chin and kissing Krystal on the forehead. "Dream of something nice, OK?"

"Thanks," Krystal mumbled back sleepily. "I hope you dream of something nice, too."

As Jessica left her room, Krystal closed her eyes and tried to drift off to sleep in her cold bed. She wondered what dreams the New Year would bring. For a long time now, Krystal's f(x) members would occasionally appear in her dreams as she slept. It was nothing new, nothing unusual. But oddly enough, Amber had not appeared in her dreams at all since they started dating. The last time Krystal had dreamed of Amber, it had been the week prior to her confession to Amber, and the vivid dream of breaking Amber's heart had brought Krystal to tears.

Perhaps because Amber had been in her heart and mind for the last two weeks, or perhaps because she was long overdue for an Amber dream, her ex-girlfriend invaded her subconscious that night.

As with all dreams, the dream had no discernable beginning and Krystal suddenly found herself in bed with Amber. It was the moment they had agreed to break up, and she was sitting on the bed with Amber lying down nearby. Krystal was aware for the briefest of moments that this scene had already played out, that this was only a dream. But seconds later, she lost her grip on reality and was reliving the scene anew.

The emotions were right there in Krystal's heart, threatening to cause her tears to spill again. "OK, let's break up," Krystal found herself saying to a somber Amber. "But before we do... one last kiss?"

Amber obliged, just like she had done in reality, and gave Krystal that one last kiss. Their lips met gently, skimming each other in the faintest of kisses. It was incredibly unsatisfying and very much unlike the passionate kiss they had actually shared in real life. The line between dream and reality blurred and Krystal started to think to herself, "That's not how this happened!"

But then dream Amber, who lay beneath her, silently reached up and gently pulled Krystal's shirt off over her head. Krystal looked down at Amber, looked down at the devilishly hungry smile on Amber's lips, and knew in an instant where this diverging path would lead.

Krystal's waking self always questioned if her feelings for Amber meant that she wanted to have sex with Amber. That was one of the reasons why Krystal wanted to move slowly in their relationship; just as Amber had said, Krystal wasn't entirely sure what her heart wanted from Amber. But in the dream world, there was no room for caution and reservations. All Krystal felt was desire.

In response to Amber's actions, Krystal ripped Amber's shirt off, throwing it into the dreamy void beyond the bed that she and Amber lay on. They moved together, quickly, frantically. She clung to Amber with her entire body, greedily taking from Amber everything she lacked in the past week. Sight, taste, touch, smell, sound, she took it all in without hesitation. The encounters with Amber's body sent Krystal temperature sky rocketing.

Her hands were in Amber's hair, not wanting to let go of this moment, not wanting to be apart from Amber anymore. Krystal moaned softly as dream Amber caressed her hands all over Krystal's body and ran her tongue slowly against Krystal's most sensitive spots. The nape of Krystal's neck, the ridge of Krystal's breasts, lower and lower down Krystal stomach and then lower still until Krystal could contain her desire no longer.

"Amber...!" Krystal moaned out loud. The sound of her own voice threw her out of her dream and crashing back into reality. The pink, dreamlike world disappeared and the pitch-black reality of her hotel room came into view. Krystal sat up with a start, instantly remembering the events of her dream. Her face felt hot and she couldn't tell if it was from embarrassment or desire.

Shakily, she headed to the bathroom and washed her face. At 20 years old, Krystal had never had a sex dream before, and she wasn't quite sure what to think of it. As she stood before the sink, her cheeks covered in cool water droplets, she wondered if the dream was her brain's very blunt way of telling her what she wanted from Amber. Her heart was racing and she tried to calm it down. But the images of Amber lying on top of her, entangled in her, caused her heart to beat even more furiously. She had never desired Amber more than she did now, and she wasn't quite sure if it was her heart or her hormones doing the thinking. Perhaps there was no difference?

It was too much for the sleepy, lonely, confused, and aroused Krystal to mull over at 3am in the morning, so she resigned to going back to sleep. She climbed back into bed and found that a chill and befallen the previously warm sheets in her absence. Krystal closed her eyes and drifted back to sleep, clinging to the memories of her dream with Amber for warmth.