Constant and Changing (kryber)

Chapter 28: When I'm Alone

On the night of Amber's solo debut on Music Bank, Krystal watched Amber's "Beautiful" stage at home on the edge of her seat. She had never been so nervous watching an episode of Music Bank before. In the past, the nerves only came when Krystal was performing on the show with her f(x) members or while waiting for the award announcements when f(x) was nominated. This was the first time a performance other than her own had caused her to tremble this much.

Amber looked adorable in Krystal's eyes. Seated against a deep blue background in her outfit of cool blues and grays, Amber shined brighter than any of the previous idols that had taken the stage that night. And as soon as Amber started to sing "Beautiful", Krystal's heart melted. She could tell that Amber was nervous and Krystal was equally as nervous for her, but Amber sang beautifully and Krystal was almost moved to tears.

She called Amber after the show and congratulated her on a successful debut. They joked, they flirted, and they made plans to meet for a friendly meal in a few days. But unfortunately for Krystal, Amber apologetically cancelled the plans soon after due to her busy schedule. And more unfortunately still, Amber's schedule only seemed to get busier as her promotions continued and there were no opportunities for them to meet.

There was a time when she and Amber were only friends and only f(x) members where Krystal would become easily annoyed when Amber cancelled plans with her. But now that they were more than friends and Amber was a genuine soloist, Krystal found that her patience had grown a bit. She understood Amber's situation and didn't hold any cancellations against her. Krystal also had her own schedules to tend to, so it was not as though she spent her days at home pining away for Amber.

With their busy schedules before them, the days flew by quickly. Amber performed on more music shows and appeared in variety shows. Krystal had endless photo shoots and filmed a short movie for W Korea. Amber held album fansigns and performed at live events. Krystal filmed CFs and visited New York.

Even on days where Krystal had no schedules while Amber was up to her neck in events, Krystal found ways to enjoy her free time. She read, she wrote, she caught up on class work and studied art. And most enjoyably, she listened to demo tapes in preparation for f(x)'s next album. The five-member group was planning to come back with an album during the summer, and Krystal spent some of her spare time searching for hidden gems among their backlog of unreleased music and new demo tapes.

And just like that, a few weeks passed. And soon, a few months passed and Amber and Krystal had not seen each other since the day in Amber's apartment where Krystal had given her the red blanket for luck.

Krystal felt badly for being unable to visit Amber at all during her solo stages, but the situation was out of her control. SM had blocked her from attending due to Taeyeon's involvement in Amber's solo, much like the way they currently blocked her from attending SMTOWN endings or mentioning her sister during f(x)-related interviews. But Amber understood and did not hold Krystal's absences against her. On days where Krystal could not contain her guilt and she flooded their Kakao talk with apologies, Amber sent her selcas with the red blanket, reminding Krystal that she was there in spirit even though she could not be there in person.

That red blanket became something of a security blanket for Amber. The older girl confessed to carrying it to every music show and even sleeping with it on nights where she missed Krystal more than she cared to admit. Krystal found the confession to be endearing, and she knew that Amber was not lying since the blanket made an appearance in one of Amber's backstage interviews. Amber had worn it around her shoulders as she joked around with Luna, who featured with Amber for a while in Taeyeon's place. 

"I asked Amber-unnie if she was getting enough sleep," Luna told Krystal over the phone one night. Luna was headed home from her final "Shake That Brass" performance with Amber and decided to give Krystal a call. "She said that she's not, but she's working hard anyway."