Sometimes when I am getting ready to hang out I get anxiety so here is how it feels:
Oh god, do I look okay? Is this outfit okay? Is it too casual? Should I put on makeup, or will it look like I'm trying to hard? Would I look better with makeup? If I don't wear any will they think I'm ugly? Are these pants okay? Should I change?
These thoughts race through my head as I stand in my bathroom wearing skinny jeans, a flannel, and a beanie. I'm waiting for my friend to pick me up, but I'm afraid. I'm afraid I'll mess up. What if we get in a car crash? What if a person shoots us in the mall? Are they hanging out with me because of pity? Do they really want to hang out? Am I forcing them to hang out? Do they actually hate me? I'm so stupid for asking. My god why did I have to ask to hang out. I'm going to mess it up.
I wipe my sweaty palms on my pants and inhale deeply, hoping to slow my fast heart rate and self depreciating thoughts. It doesn't help, but somehow I manage to walk out of the bathroom. I put on my shoes and wait outside. Wait does this make me seem like an excited child? Should I wait inside? Do they think I'm weird if I wait out here? I'm going back inside. So I walk back into my house and wait. I keep worrying about how I look and smell. In the span of seven minutes I've brushed my teeth twice, flossed for the third time, put on more deodorant, and styled part of my hair. Even with this preparation, I still worry I look like an idiot.
My friend finally pulls up and I hop into the car and we start heading to the mall.
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It takes a lot of effort for me and probably others to go out. As you saw, i worry a lot about how I present myself because I don't want to seem foolish and ugly. During the process of getting ready I go through all the what ifs and possibilities of me messing up. I beat myself down and tell myself not to fuck anything up. I'm pretty sure other people go through this mental state at times too. But I'm here sharing my personal experience so don't apply this to everyone.
But as you can see anxiety affects the little things, like getting ready. It's not just worrying about if you look okay. It's paying attention to every detail and if I realize something is off I beat myself down for it. If you know someone with anxiety or social anxiety and they said yes to hanging out, give them a compliment. It can mean the world to them. Or just do that whenever with anyone
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Anxiety Attacks
Non-FictionThis is my personal experience on how it feels to have anxiety attacks in different situations. This is how I feel so this does not apply to everyone. If you are triggered by this kind of stuff then I suggest you stop reading
