Anxiety Attacks

Out of the Blue [TW]

These are the attacks that happen when nothing is going on. They appear out of the blue.:
I'm curled up in my bed watching Sherlock. Something starts to feel wrong and then it hits me like a truck. My breathing quickens and my heart rate picks up. I can't concentrate on one thought and I'm screaming in my head, the only consistent thing right now. My hands are shaking and and I can't keep still, but I can't move around. The room seems to be spinning and my eyes water. I want to scream and cry, but i can't let my family know.
My mind is soon filled with voices telling me I'm worthless. They point out all of the mistakes I've made in the last year. I want them to stop but they keep I'm going. They tell me I'm ugly. That I'm stupid. My ideas are unreasonable. I have no chance in life. I have no reason to live.
I want to cut so badly. I picture the blood on my thighs and arms and I go into the bathroom. My wrists throb and I want to end it right now, but I stop myself and only go for the thighs.
Ten minutes. Twenty minutes. An hour later, I start to calm down. Even though the anxiety is gone, I still feel like crap.
Depressiveness hits. All I want to do is sleep my life away. My chest feels empty and I have no purpose. I want to sleep and never wake up. Life seems too hard and going up to use the bathroom is a struggle. I don't want to do anything. I just want to die.

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This is what happens when it comes out of the blue. I know I have a problem so don't mention anything.
Sometimes there is no reason. It just comes out of the blue. Anxiety doesn't care about what you are doing. It sucks ass.
If you feel this way or worse then please call or text a suicide hotline. Look them up on google. If you have a trusted friend, talk to them. Go download the whisper app and vent there. Do something and don't keep it bundled up inside or else you will suffer more.