Through a screen it also sucks:
I type in the number and text to Kate
Me:Hey, it's me from earlier
I wait for a response. Was that the right thing to say? Should I have said hello or hi?
I anxiously wait as she types. The dots make me nervous. Then they go away. Does that mean she sent the message or she left because she doesn't want to talk?
It turns out she sent a message. We chat for a while. To her it may seem like I'm okay. It seems like I'm a normal person with normal thoughts. But that's not the case.
After every text I regret my words. My heart pounds between the messages. I can't seem to catch my breath when those little dots go away. Everything I say seems stupid. I don't know if I did right or wrong. There are no facial expressions, no gestures that show me I did wrong. The conversation is probably going well on her side but to me it looks like I'm fucking everything up. I soon end the conversation saying I'm tired when in reality I can't take the stress anymore of the texting.
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Texting for me can suck. I always feel like I ruin the conversation or saying the wrong things, when in reality, I'm doing nothing wrong. During these times my heart rate picks up, my breathing gets faster, and I get sweaty, but usually I have self depreciating thoughts that cause the anxiety during these moments. So texting isn't always the easy way out.
Reminder: These are my experiences and they do not apply to everyone with anxiety
I hope those of you reading can learn something from these stories. Hopefully you are beginning to understand the real struggle.
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Anxiety Attacks
Non-FictionThis is my personal experience on how it feels to have anxiety attacks in different situations. This is how I feel so this does not apply to everyone. If you are triggered by this kind of stuff then I suggest you stop reading
