Spread Your Wings

Chapter 5

The worst three days of my life were unbearable to get through. I didn't sleep at all, instead I just cried all night, praying that this was all a lie and that I would run back in his arms and he would sing to me. John has hardly said a word since he picked up the phone that day. The press were asking questions, almost barricading down the doors asking for an exclusive interview. Whilst others gave us flowers, cards of sympathy asking if there was anything they could do to help. Mum was the strong one, staying composed, doing all the work as John stayed in his bed all the time and I just sat by the window, watching the rain fall.  

Today was Freddie's funeral. As he had been a private man all of his life, only a few people went. His body was cremated to ashes, which was the worst part for me. The strong man that I adored had been turned into dust. But it was a beautiful ceremony, filled with music and art.

We went back to his house afterwards, which felt wrong. His belongings still stood there, untouched. His cats were all lying on their bed, some of them were still asleep, some of them meowing, sensing my presence. I went over to see Miko, a gorgeous black kitten who was gazing up at me and stroked him. Delilah then prowled over, looking a little jealous. So I picked her up. Even she looked a little glum, realising that her beloved owner was now gone.

"He always praised you for looking after the cats." Jim walked over and smiled as he saw me. "No wonder if you've been stuck with that nickname for so long."

As Delilah purred in my arms, I bubbled as a single tear fell down my cheek. I gave her to Jim, nodded and walked away, trying my best not to cry in front of anyone. I walked upstairs to look at the grand piano, standing there in all its glory. To think of how many songs he had written using this very piano, how hard he had worked as an entertainer.

I had another flashback to around three years ago when I went to visit him. It was when the band were recording the Miracle album. I had been looking after the cats for the day with Mum. Freddie came in through the door with John, picked me up and spun me round the room. It was at the beginning of his illness meaning he was just starting to decline in health. He took me up to the piano and I sat on the window sill next to it. He played the first few lines of the song, The Miracle. I sat and gazed, watching his fingers effortlessly move around the keys. He moved me to sit in the middle of the piano stool and he sat behind me as he showed me different chords to play, all the many confusing notes. We laughed as he soon found out I wasn't too good on the piano. So he started playing random songs which we sang together really loudly. He always said that I had a lovely voice. I told him he was just being nice. When I left and went back home, I had the same songs stuck in my head all day, singing them till the early hours of the morning, getting rows from my mum and John. But I didn't care.

I blinked back to the present, no longer seeing that happy sunny day from long ago. I placed my hand on the piano almost stroking it. No-one will ever play piano like him ever again.

I heard someone clear their throat and it made me jump. It was Brian, looking as white as a sheet, grim and tired. He tried his best to smile but I knew it was too hard.

"There's food downstairs, if you're hungry." He said quietly.

"I'm fine." I shook my head and turned back to look at the piano.

He walked over and sat on the piano stool. Brian was a good piano player too, except he always doubted himself, always thinking Freddie was the superior.

"20 years. 20 crazy years with Queen. We always talked about how we were going to be the next big thing, when our first album didn't get anywhere, I had serious doubts. Freddie always pulled us together, especially when Roger and I had our heated arguments." He chuckled slightly. "Believe me, there were loads of them. Freddie was the glue that held us together. I'm telling you, if it wasn't for him, I would be sitting in a room thinking to myself why did Smile never take off. It's thanks to him that I have a wonderful family, I met my soulmate Elizabeth and she gave me three beautiful children. It's thanks to him that I've been part of this musical core that has inspired others. I never told him this. Ever."

I was so worried about Brian. He's been in deep depression with his father passing away just a few months before Freddie did. I hated seeing him like this.

"Just makes you realise, how much you take for granted." He walked over to me, went down on his knees and placed his hands on my shoulders.

"Never take life for granted, Katie Kat. Do whatever you want, within reason. Freddie would hate to see you crash and burn. We can help each other get through this. We can help everyone else in the family. Freddie believed in you, I believe in you."

He opened his arms wide and I hugged him so tightly. He was right. No matter how hard this is, I had to find some way to not necessary get over this but know that there is life after losing someone you love. Freddie told me to achieve my dreams and that's what I'm going to do.