Don't You Think That I'm A Runner?

A Little Bit

I went into the house and looked around for him. I checked a couple of different rooms before I found the right one. Most of the people in the room were already out of it, laying down on the floor. But some looked anxious to use, like I was. But then I noticed how they were using. With a needle. I had never done that before, I had only smoked and snorted it. I was a little apprehensive about shooting it, but I was here and I was going to do it anyway. I just didn't want to be upset anymore. 

All I could think about was Layton. How we were planning on getting married. How we talked about baby names. And then he just dropped me, married someone else and was having a baby. He was the one person I had trusted with my life. And now I could only see him as a monster. I probably would have done anything to erase what I had just seen outside. It was too much.

I sat down and watched what was happening around me. I saw the look of pure bliss and peace on peoples' faces after they used and I was craving to feel the same. I missed what it felt like to just feel normal and happy again. All I knew since Layton turned my world upside down was depression and anxiety. I didn't care that I had been sober for weeks and was about to ruin it. At that moment, I thought going through the painful withdrawals was going to be well worth the amazing high I was about to get. 

But before I could do anything, the door burst open and the guy with the piercing blue eyes came storming in. His eyes quickly scanned the room until he saw me. He came over to me, pulled me up to my feet and drug me out of the room without saying a word. 

"What the - " I begin to protest. 

He slammed the door shut so hard behind him that I jumped at the sound. And then he pushed me backwards by my shoulders into the wall behind me. 

"What the hell is your problem?!" He screamed.

I was shocked by this. Who did this guy think he was? He didn't know me. But he was scaring me. My eyes got wide as I stared at him. I didn't know what to do, so of course I instantly started to cry again, trying to move past him. "Leave me alone!"

"No!" He pushed me back into the wall again. "I've tried to help you twice now and you just don't care. Do you really want to keep using? Or are you actually this stubborn? What are you even doing this for anyway?"

People were staring at us as they moved along the hallway. I noticed, but ignored them through my watery eyes. "I need to!" I yelled in defense.

"Do you even know those people in there?" He pointed back to the room behind him. "Do you have any idea what that shit could be laced with? Do you realize what you could get infected with if you shared a needle? And what are you, 90 pounds? That shit could kill you!"

I didn't have it in me to argue anymore. I knew he was right. I was ashamed things had gotten this far. I was crying pretty badly now and trying to punch him in the chest and shove him away to get him to let me go. But he was blocking every punch and shove and I finally gave up and instead just leaned into him, buried my face in his shirt and cried. He hesitated for a second, caught off guard by this drastic change, but then he put his arms around me and held me for what seemed like forever. After letting me cry for a minute, he cleared his throat and spoke in a soft, gentle tone.

"Look, I can't just sit by and not do anything. Just...let me help you. Okay?"

I didn't respond right away. I tried to compose myself and think for second. I finally took a deep breath and pulled away from his chest to look up at him.  I didn't even know this guy's name, but for some reason he really wanted to help me. Somehow, I felt safe. And somehow I knew that he was being honest and wouldn't do anything to hurt me. Maybe it was the way he refused to give up. Or the way that he got so upset over someone he didn't even know.