Don't You Think That I'm A Runner?

I Don't Know That

Mark and I remained on good terms. By "good terms" I mean that one of us would randomly text each other a funny meme every once in a while or send the occasional SnapChat. That was pretty much it. We never really talked after the last time we saw each other at Ponsi's birthday dinner. But I was okay with it. I actually found myself feeling relieved that I didn't have to constantly worry about Mason or Mark. 

And I really liked living by myself in my own place for once. I decided I was going to take a break from dating and just be single for a while. I also decided to focus more on my friendships that had fallen to the wayside. I hadn't really been keeping up with anyone in the big friend group I had made while I was dating Mark. But I started to reach out to them and most of them came to visit me regularly.

When my birthday rolled around, I decided to invite everyone over to celebrate. I had never thrown a party in my own place before. I was laid back about it and told the people I invited to bring whoever they wanted. A LOT more people showed up than I expected. It was packed in my place and booze kept piling up in the kitchen. I smelled pot, which was fine with me. But then I realized that people were also snorting cocaine and I heard that someone had brought mushrooms.

I hadn't touched anything other than pot in years. I hadn't wanted to because I hadn't been depressed. That was all I ever used drugs for, was a numbing agent. But now it was my birthday and I was drunk and I wanted to get crazy. I had never used drugs for fun before. I wondered what it would be like to do them now in a positive environment when I was happy and partying with my friends that I actually trusted and felt comfortable around. 

My past addiction barely registered in my intoxicated mind. It seemed like so long ago. And it was something I only associated with depression. Right now, there was only temptation to be wild and party. I didn't even think about the possibility that getting high on harder stuff might trigger me to want to try heroin again. It could have been a really stupid mistake.

I walked into the room where they were. When the door opened, one of the girls jumped a little and looked scared to see me. She tried to cover up the white lines on the table and the plastic baggie of mushrooms. She thought I was going to be pissed they were doing this in my house.

"It's cool," I told her. "I actually wanted to see if I could join in." I took a step towards her but then I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw Mark kneeling at the other side of the table with a straw in his hand. He was getting ready to snort some of the coke. We both just stared at each other like deer in headlights. And then he quickly passed the straw off to someone else and stood up to walk over to me.

"Hey Chloe," he tried to sound as nonchalant as possible. 

My heart sank. I hadn't seen him in so long. And this is how I finally run into. Doing drugs. I didn't want him doing drugs again. It broke my heart. And he had heard me say I was going to do it too. Before I could say anything, he moved to walk around me and to the door.

"I'm gonna go get a drink. You want anything?" He turned to look back at me as he opened the door.

I ran over to him and left the room too, closing the door shut behind us. We were alone in the hallway. I reached out and touched his arm and looked at him with concern. 

"Can we talk?" I asked him. 

He looked down at my hand on his arm. "We don't have to talk about it."