Telling Alice {ManxMan} | MPreg

Chapter 04

Chapter Four

"How could you do this to me?" Eshe hissed into the phone, Lauren stayed silent on the other end. The car ride home had been less than pleasant as Alice was strangely quiet the entire ride. Eshe had tried to say something to her but every time he opened his mouth he couldn't think of anything. He'd been so embarrassed by Alice's accusation he'd just froze up, silently purchased the dresses she'd picked out and they'd left the store not saying another word.

"Eshe-" Lauren began but he was quick to cut her off by slamming his hand down on his desk, he couldn't be more thankful she wasn't standing in front of him at that moment, he was barely containing the urge to track her down as it was. He was pacing around his office in the back of the cafe, Alice had been dropped off at her friends place. Even so Eshe locked his office to keep his employees or worse Jerome from bursting in and bothering him.

"You said you were here for me, you said that, and you lied!" Eshe raged, he could practically hear Lauren frowning on the other end of the phone. The shuffling sounds making it obvious that she was pacing as well.

"Eshe I am here for you, all I did was tell Alice she should try asking you about her father again." Lauren defended, her voice filled with aggravation. It pissed Eshe off knowing that Lauren was irritated with him, she had no right to be after what she'd done. Going back on a promise they'd made years ago before Alice was even born, much less thought of. "I asked her how she was the other day, she told me she was upset. She's really mad about you getting married Eshe, this needs to be resolved."

"She said that?" Alice didn't usually hide the way she felt but then again she probably thought he would ignore her anyways. It was obvious she didn't care for Jerome even though Eshe had always tried to fix the issue with some time and bonding activities. He knew deep down that he was always to afraid to fix the real issue. Even now with all his cards seemingly on the table, he still didn't feel as though he were capable of fixing the real issue. "Why wouldn't she say anything to me?"

"Eshe, she probably thinks you'd put him first, not-"

"Don't you dare!" Eshe screamed into the phone, his temper snapping instantly at Lauren's words. "Don't ever say I'd put anyone before my daughter!"

"But you are Eshe! Alice wants to know the truth and dammit even if it's not about you getting married, you've been putting your own selfish feelings before hers ever since she was fucking born!" Those words broke like ice onto a hot surface, instantly breaking Eshe into pieces, tugging tears from his eyes as he slumped against his desk. He sat on the edge of the desk defeated, it was true. He knew it was true and it was without a doubt the one thing that scared him the most.

He heard Lauren calling his name but he didn't care, he hung up. Switching his phone to silent he let himself sink into the reality of the matter. Alice was nine now, soon to be ten, and here he was finally in a situation he had prayed would never even see light. He wanted to shrink in on himself and deny everything that was happening. He wanted to reverse time and stop Alice from saying those words, or Lauren from giving her a tip off, even from Jerome proposing.

Deep down he wanted to wish he could reverse the ultimate source of this problem, he wanted to wish away the split second when he'd made the decision that set him on this path in the first place but he couldn't. Eshe couldn't wish it away, and even if he could he knew without a doubt he didn't have the willpower just like he didn't have the willpower then. He couldn't say no, he couldn't walk away from it.

That had always been the fall in his youth it had lead to so many bad decisions in his life, more bad than good even, but despite that he knew Alice counted in the mass of decisions that were made in his ignorant youth. While Alice was never a bad decision and even now he knew he could never regret his decision to have her, meeting her father might have been amongst the top of the list of things he'd done he regretted.

He'd been so different from the people Eshe had known back then, this amazing seemingly nonhuman person who seemed to be perfect. And he had been, he'd been too perfect Eshe had realized that from day one but had stay with him, now he couldn't help but question his younger self. Of course he accepted that the younger him would have never known things would end like this but he also couldn't deny that there had been so many signs it would end badly in some way.

This was bigger than him now, this was about Alice, and yet he'd continued being selfish even as he acknowledged that. He looked at his phone, the blank screen showing his blank facial expression and his clouded eyes. He could fix this, his thoughts raced fighting with one another as he finally acknowledged that he could fix this. Even so the selfish side of him kept him hesitating, his grip tightening and releasing his phone as he forced some courage up to face the damages he'd caused.