Dance This way: An Avi Kaplan fan fiction

Never

"Avi, wait" I begged. He wouldn't meet my gaze and he wouldn't speak. "Please, let me explain" I pleaded as a cab pulled up next to him and he got in. I crouched down to look through the window to look at him. I could see so much anger and hurt only rising inside him.

"Hey, man" the driver beckoned. "You picking a place to go, or not" he asked not seeming to care what was going on. He waited and looked back at me.

"Get in" he said coldly to me. Avi gave the driver a place and we began to move. I could feel a large weight inside of the pit of my stomach. The sheer worry of what was happening next filled my mind. I had never seen him like this before. The two of us rode in silence and never once met each other's gaze. I clenched the edge of my skirt out of nervousness.

When we reached the roof of my apartment building, I had only hoped that this wouldn't lead to a screaming match. The last time we were here, was that night of a thousand candles. It was one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. What was once a daydream escape was becoming my living nightmare.

"Okay" he said

"Where do you want me to start" I asked.

"Start with the truth" he said. I looked down and knew it was time to stop hiding. I sighed and told him everything. I told him Jack and I dated my sophomore year. I explained how everything started out just fine between he and I. The two of us would go dancing and he would surprise me with carriage rides. Then, one night Jack's roommate was away for the weekend so he invited me over. I knew what I was getting myself into, but i thought that if I did it, he would stick around. I had tricked myself into thinking that Jack wouldn't dump me if I did this and compromised what I was or wasn't ready for with him. I luckily came to my senses before anything happened, but after that, Jack got mad at me. All he did was chase other girls after I broke up with him. After that, we never wanted to speak of it again. If that whole relationship was wiped from existence, I would be fine with it. It reminded me of my stupidity, so I swept it under a mental rug hoping it would never come to the surface again. It was silent after that.

" why are we even taking about this" I asked trying hard to avoid the topic. " it was two years ago" I finished.

Yeah but it was only 20 min ago when i saw you kissing him" he argued. It fell silent again and i had looked away out of shame. Why didn't you tell me sooner" he asked still a little angry.

"Well, it's not something I brag about" I told him. "Besides, you don't see me asking you how many girls you've dated" I said angrily. "Are you even mad that I dated before you" I asked. He looked at me. I had obviously struck a nerve but I didn't care.

"What kind of question is that" he asked.

"Do you know what I think, Avi" I asked. "I think you're more angry that of all people in the world to date before you, I dated Jack" I said but kind of felt bad as it came from my mouth. He didn't say anything. I could tell he was trying not say something. "I'm truly sorry about what you saw, but Jack kissed me. I immediately pushed him away. You had to have seen it." I told him.

"Don't give me that" was all he could say. "I saw the way he was looking at you while the we were back there" he pointed out. "I just want to know why he felt comfortable enough to try with you" he told me. I didn't say anything. How could I? He was right. I know how Jack can be, but for some reason, I decided to ignore it.

"But, I was the one..." I said but was cut off.

"Yeah, Erica, you said you ended it. I get that" he told me. "Does he know that" he asked trying not to yell at me. He stared at me with the same fire he had stared at Jack that night at "The Hall" only this was different in some way. 

"Of course he does" I insisted.

"That kiss seems to say different." He looked like it absolutely killed him to say that.

"I told you I pushed him away!" I said back.

"Okay. I can appreciate that, but even leading up to that, the worst is that when you two were finally alone, there wasn't any objections from either one of you" He said with a tone.

"What are you implying?" I asked with arms folded. He  said nothing.

"Are you really doing this" I asked shocked. "Do you honestly want to ask me that" I said not holding back my anger. "Say it, Avi" I demanded. "I dare you to look me in the eye and ask me what you're thinking" I said fighting back tears. I knew the risk I was taking with those words. I didn't care.

"Have you been seeing Jack behind my back" he asked. Those words rang in my ears like a piercing screech. It felt like a hole had been punched in my chest.

"Of course not!" I said disgusted at his question.

"How do I know that?" He asked. I was in disbelief. "How do I know that when I'm gone, you and Jack aren't having some affair behind my back. He felt comfortable enough to try to kiss you. How do I know that it's not just him wanting to rub my nose in it when I come home?"

"I would never cheat on you" I told him with tears welling up in my eyes. "You have to believe me. I love you too much to hurt you like that." I said. "You brought me up here once before and you gave me a beautiful lotus flower hair clip" I reminded him. "But, the greatest gift you've ever given me or will ever give me is that I can truly love and be loved in return" I finished. His face changed at my words. "I said it before and I'll say a thousand times if that's what it takes. I'm truly sorry that Jack kissed me. It was never my intention for that to happen." I said as my voice began to crack a little. "I have to go." I whispered as I walked past him and reached for the door knob.

"Erica" he began, but I said nothing.
"See ya later alligator" he said almost begging for a response. It was silent for a few seconds.

"Just leave me alone Avi" I whispered not meeting his gaze and ignoring our usual farewell. I walked down a few flights of stairs until I reached my apartment. I found Lena sitting on our couch.

"What's wrong" she asked.

"Take Jack's name off the guest list please" I said just before bursting into tears. Lena hugged me and I felt the hot stinging tears run down my face like a waterfall. I spent the rest of my night sitting in my room ignoring all of Avi's text and calls.  I wouldn't know what to say to him anyway.