Rooming With Ash

Rooming With Ash: Chapter 12

The days following Ash's return could not be described as anything other than blissful.

Even though everyone (except for Mackenzie and Tonya) was still bitter about his little altercation with Phoebe and the way he left the group hanging, I enjoyed his presence nonetheless. I enjoyed it despite the fact that I knew us hanging out and getting to know each other couldn't ever go past just talking. There was still the issue of Riley sitting in the back of my mind at all times.

Okay so I guess considering that aspect of our situation, our time could be described as something other than blissful, but I tried my best not to dwell on it. Whenever I thought about the gross amount of heartbreak I was setting myself up for every day that I spent with time Ash while knowing that he would go back to Riley in August, a cold and paralyzing fear would claw its way around my lungs. I knew that even though the time I spent with him was enjoyable, it was just serving towards making my leaving him all the more difficult. I knew that, yet I still wasn't willing to give any of that time up. Something about Ash was different now, and I was starting to feel comfortable around him. These were memories I would get to keep with me forever, and I couldn't give them up just because I was afraid.

And despite the good thing we had going, there was still so much left unsaid between Ash and me. We both knew it, but I didn't want to be the one to bring it up and risk ruining whatever it was that we were building. The seeds of a beautiful friendship had been planted and I wanted to give it the space to grow. I had to keep reminding myself though – a beautiful friendship. Nothing more.

The two of us were having the most touristy few days together and I was enjoying it more than I liked to admit. We'd gone out to explore the city, we visited the aquarium, and we even got to spend time in a bunch of little museums that were in actual houses, but still had historical artifacts to rival those of the Smithsonian. But sometimes when we were out together, I would glance up and catch Ash staring at me in ways that I knew people didn't look at their friends. He usually either averted his gaze or changed the look in his eyes when he noticed that I'd seen him, but I always took note. And even though this was strictly a friendship, I knew in my heart that there was something more going on behind the scenes.

I had Skyped with Mickey two days ago and told him all about Ash and where we were now in the development of our relationship, and by the end of the call Mickey was convinced that Ash and I were in love and that I wasn't admitting it so that he couldn't make fun of me. I couldn't speak for Ash on how he felt, but I wondered if maybe my seven-year-old brother was seeing things more clearly than I was. If he was seeing things that I'd been forcing myself not to.

Ash walked into the kitchen where I was eating breakfast with Asia and he gave us both a nod, but said nothing as he made his way to the fridge and began to fix himself up a meal. I had seen him earlier on when he got out of the shower in the morning (which I won't go into detail about since thinking about his body wasn't very constructive for our friendship), but we had talked and so I knew his silence wasn't a way of ignoring me. That was the thing about him though, he was so confusing all the time and I never really knew how to interpret anything when it came to him.

Him having changed since his little disappearance was indisputable, but as the days went by, I realized that change only mattered when it came to me. Whenever we spent time alone, whether in the room or out and about on the island, things were different – they were good. When we were around the rest of the group though, something in him shifted. It was like he was back to the Ash he had been before his disappearance – still a more amicable version, but that same Ash nonetheless. And after spending more time with him, I strongly believed that that wasn't the real Ash. The real Ash was the one I would see when he imitated the faces of the funny-looking fish we came across in the aquarium to amuse the downcast looking group of kids that were trudging by. The Ash that beamed at them to lift their spirits, even though the scar on his mouth was still healing.