Outcast ✧ Phan

Twelve

for·give
verb
stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake.

Dan shuffled to a stop, staring at the small school  building from a distance, the rising sun a glowing reddish hue behind the trees on the horizon and restricted rainbows of pink and blue and orange beaming across the sky. The morning air was crisp and cold, dampness hanging about and hinting of rain to come.

Four weeks had come and gone since his mum died.

The majority of the weeks he spent home, locked away in his bedroom and hating life. On the off chance he did go to school, it was quite less than enjoyable. Everyone would always look at him with this kind of sympathetic twist to their features, and the teachers never made him do as much work as the others. Dan also had to walk to school now; nobody could drive him, and he really didn't want to ride the bus. His excuse for staying home was pretty known among his small town by now aswell, and nobody had gotten on him for doing so: Local Mother And Wife Commits Suicide was the headline on just about every newspaper, varying only slightly wordwise.

As Dan can remember from a few days just after the incident, he had written over and over in his question book, Why? in red ink, over and over and over, Why? Why? Why? until the entire page was no more than smudged blobs. He ended up ripping it out and throwing it away, though, then locked his book in a metal box and shoved it into the back of his closet. He never wanted to see that book again, it was just a token of the past, and frankly, Dan's just a little fed up with the past at the moment.

Louise and him still aren't talking, which really isn't helping. It just adds onto the jungle gym of emotions twisting around inside him. If Dan had ever needed a friend more in all his life, this specific time would definitely be that time.

Dad got a job. Its given Dan a lot of time at home alone, which is both good and bad. Its good because he doesn't have to sneak around or wait to eat or use the computer only at night, but bad because it just gives him buckets of time to think, which he really could do without, due to the fact his thoughts as of recent haven't exactly been optimistic.

Dad's reaction to the death wasn't surprising. He hasn't cried as far as he knows, but had been rougher with Dan, of course, who had the bruises to prove it. Apparently, meaning this is what his dad has said, he was at a job interview when Dan came home that day.

Its been weird for Dan, not hearing them argue all night, or not hearing mum's muffled cries from the other side of the wall. You never really notice how much you miss the smallest things as such (even if they already suck to have) until you're given much worse. In this case, the worse is silence.

Dan gripped his backpack straps a little tighter. He didn't want to go to school today, but he knew he needed to. He needed to make up with Louise. He's had enough of her ignoring him, especially after all he's been through.

He sighed heavily and started in the direction of the building, fighting every urge to turn and run back home or to cry.

As he progressed further into the campus, he began to feel the stares. Whispers were just barely audible to Dan, and the pity was thickly shot from all directions as he passed other students and teachers. This was becoming normal for him whenever he left home.

Dan quickened his pace, staring at the hallway floor and watching for feet so he could manage not bumping into anybody. Not like he had to, though, because everybody, literally everybody, shuffled aside when they noticed him coming. Something twisted in his stomach, and he suddenly felt very sick. He ignored it and continued to class.

Dan pushed open the door to be greeted with a nearly empty classroom. Those who were inside quickly avoided eye contact. Louise was one of them, but when he saw her glance up and then back away like the others, his insides twisted up again.

He didn't even bother putting his bookbag away before walking over and sitting next to Louise. He heard her swallow sharply, but still didn't look up.

"L-Louise," Dan began. His voice sounded strange, like it didn't belong to him at all. It was all hoarse and shaky, as if he hadn't spoken in years.

Nothing in response. Not even a blink.

"Um, " He really didn't know where this was going. He had a lot on his mind, a lot he wanted to say, but putting it all into actual words seemed ten thousand times harder than thinking it. "I'm sorry."

Louise had her face hidden by her curly blonde hair now, so Dan couldn't how - or if - she reacted.

"M-My mum..." He went on quietly, fiddling with his fingers, twisting them around one another. "She's dead." Dan was almost positive she already knew, since everybody else did, so he didn't know what the point in telling her this was. It was just the first thing that managed to tumble from his mouth.

"I know." Louise whispered. These were the first words she'd spoken to him in a while, which is why Dan was startled to have gotten any out of her so easily. He expected it to be harder. She looked up, tears welling in her eyes. "I'm so sorry, Dan. For everything."

Dan looked down at his lap. Could he really forgive her so easily? He didn't want to. He wanted to be mad, furious. She ignored him, left him in the dirt like roadkill to the vultures. When he needed her most, she wasn't there for him.

"I shouldn't have ignored you." She went on quietly. "I was afraid. Then when your mum..." She trailed off, coughing on her breath. "It made me realize how terrible I've been. I'd been meaning to say sorry for weeks, but I couldn't work up enough courage to face you after what all I'd done. I'm sorry."

He shifted his position a little in the seat, unsure how to reply. He knew he should feel angry, or upset with her, but he didn't. He couldn't.

"Its okay. I forgive you." Dan looked up finally, offering a small smile. She sniffed, wiping the tears from her eyes with her sleeve, and returned it.

"Best friends again?" Louise asked hesitantly. He nodded slowly, a grin panning across his face.

"Best friends again." Dan said, feeling as though an enormous weight had been lifted from his weak shoulders.

A/N - 700 READS? Are you even joking? Just the last chapter I'd been at 200, where are all of you coming from? The void? Under my bed? My attic? Okay no but seriously, OH MY GOD. I don't deserve this, I really don't. Thank you all so much, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh! also, SIX MORE CHAPTERS, GUYS. Six more left of this story. Are you ready? I'm not.