Make Your Choice [BoyxBoy]

Chapter {10}

A/N: Pic of the girl Alex meets.. You'll see, read on! :-)

~~~~~~~~

(Alex’s POV)

I don’t know what I’m doing anymore.

I’m only thinking about that dickf*ck.  He’s a f*cking idiot! How could he.. basically call me a whore?! Because that’s what he did.. indirectly. And I can’t help it to think that, maybe, just maybe I am to blame too. Look what he did to me! Now I am blaming myself! I never do that!

But.. I don’t know. Indeed, I didn’t seem to have a problem before, when we were just screwing around. So, what changed?  Do I want more? It’s just that.. I know nothing about him.

He’s a good kisser. I hummed when this thought crossed my mind.

What’s his favorite color? What about his favorite movie? What does he like to do? What does he hate? Does he have brothers? Sisters? I’m even interested in those things!

I can’t help it to feel ..used. And again, I didn’t have a problem before! Am I.. falling for him?!

No.

Definitely not.

I am not falling for him!

A quick test: imagine him kissing someone else, like that Mandy girl for example. Imagine him pinning her against a wall like he did to me, showing his tongue in her filthy mouth, touching her breasts, imagine her moaning in pleasure.. See? I’m fine. Just fine. I am not even close to wanting to rip her throat out or strangle her, basically torture her until she pleads for mercy and even then I wouldn’t stop and I’d continue with..

Wait.

I failed it. I failed a stupid test I did in my mind. That’s what changed. Weeks ago, I wouldn't care if he f*cked other girls and kissed me afterwards. Mother of God. We can’t do this anymore. I can’t do this anymore..

The bad thing is that I mean nothing to him. I’m just his toy.. He could easily replace me with someone else and I’m sure he did it by now. He isn’t sitting in his room after classes like I do now, torturing himself.

He left me alone since the incident in his room. I did what I said I would and basically forced Mr. Thompson to give me another project partner. As if I care about that stupid project..

Those weren’t my best days either..

I’d snap at my friends for no reason and I’d be in a mad mood.. most of the time. I almost had Sandra to punch me once. I would've deserved it.

‘’What the hell is wrong with you Alex?!’’ I remembered Josh saying to me once, when we were both alone.

‘’There is nothing wrong, why is everyone asking me that?!’’

‘’Because there is something wrong with you, idiot!’’ Josh yelled at me. ‘’You are an a*s. To everyone! How could you insult Sandra like that?!‘’

Eh, screw it. Might as well as tell him. He already knows about me and Dylan.

Because I was feeling frustrated like hell, I hit the lockers with my foot, making him jump slightly. ‘’ I am a toy to him!’’ I yelled frustrated, earning a few strange looks from other students so, I lowered the tone of my voice a little. ‘’The only reason I’m not a whore is because we didn’t f*ck. He’s an idiot, Josh. An idiot!’’

Josh looked at me in compassion, placing his hand on my shoulder reassuringly but that wasn’t what I needed right now. What I wanted was to punch Dylan.