Behind The Sanity

Lainey and the Day I Cried the Hardest.

I laughed right along with the others as Cheyenne fell off the slide. The slide from elementary school. The slide I'd gone down countless times. Smiling at the memory, I pictured us as ten-year-olds again. Life really was perfect then. Brynn would have been with us, encouraging the stupid, childish games we were playing, and embellishing then in a way that could make them feel like the best things in the world. We would have been happy and carefree, not really noticing all the bad things going on around us. Not caring about how we looked. Not having any emotions, not really. We were all so happy then. If only we could go back to those times...

"HA!" Lainey screamed as she grabbed me around the ankle, causing me to jump.

I looked down, "Not fair," I grumble as I jump down off the playground. 

This game of tag could get pretty intense sometimes...

Now me and Cheyenne were "it", and I didn't really like being "it."

As I began to climb up one of the tube slides, planning a legit sneak attack that would have failed miserably, I heard a quacking noise.

My first thought? Who the hell let a duck in here?

Then I heard Kya shout, "Someone's phone is quacking!"

"That'd be mine," Melissa grumbled and she hopped over the railing of the playground; landing with a slight stumble from the long fall. She brushed off her pants, but Lainey got there first and answered.

"Hi mom. Yeah, we're here. Out back. Okay. Alright. Yes. Okay. Sure. I will. Yes. Okay. Love you too. Bye."

By the time Lainey hung up, we were all gathered around. As she set the phone down, I noticed the time. 10:00. It was time to leave. We all gathered in for one big group hug, and I felt the tears welling in my eyes.

No.

I wasn't supposed to cry. Melissa and Lainey were the only ones that had seen me. I couldn't cry now.

We all pulled back, and Lainey look at each one of us in turn,then leaned forward to hug Kya. She whispered something in her ear, and they stayed like that for a while. Then she pulled Cheyenne into an embrace.

By now, a tear spilled out of my eye, but I wiped it away fast as she put her arms around Melissa. I couldn't be seen crying.

When it was my turn, I practically ran into her arms. I didn't want to let go of her, ever, and that's when I couldn't hold back the tears anymore.

"I'll miss you, Rozz." she whispered into my ear. "I'll miss you a lot."

I didn't say anything - I probably couldn't even speak.

After a moment, she asked, "Are you crying?"

"No," I whispered feebly, not letting go of her neck. She pulled back to see my face, then hugged me even tighter.

"Please don't cry, Rozz."

I still didn't say anything, just sat there and enjoyed the moment. Her hands rubbed my back, trying to sooth me. "I love you." 

Her voice was soft, and I could tell her eyes were getting watery too, just by listening to her talk. My voice still wouldn't work, but finally, we pulled away. I stood close to her, and almost wanted to hold her hand. I hadn't held anyone's hand in a long, long time. And like I'd ever find a guy that would hold mine.

"I'll be back soon," Lainey said to everyone. "Don't worry. It may be next summer, about a year or so, or it may be longer. This time, let's stay in touch, okay?" We began to walk to the front of our old school, and she continued. "I mean, we said that last time, but I really want to know what's going on in each of your lives. That's my job, is it not?"

We all smiled and made promises we hoped to keep. I still couldn't speak.

When we reached Lainey's car, she hugged each of us again. I held on, and made it last, and also managed to whisper, "I love you Lainey. Please come back soon."

A tear from her dropped onto my shoulder. "I will." 

I remember the last time I had saw her. She was standing on her front porch, waving as I drove away. Her words were still ringing in my ears. I will see you again before I move. I will. I don't care if it's for ten minutes, or ten hours. I will see you again."

That had been the last thing she said to me, until we were reunited two years later. She had got out of her car, and I had ran to hug her. "Melissa," I had whispered. "I missed you."

And here we were, hugging again, saying how much we would miss each other, both of us not wanting to say goodbye.

But all good things come to an end, except for maybe our friendship.

"Bye!" she called rolling up her window, the light from her car making it possible to see her face in the darkness. "See you all soon!"

I waved back, the warm feeling of her being with me instantly starting to fade. Melissa wrapped an arm around me, and hugged me as her car drove off. Lucky for Cheyenne, Lainey would be sleeping at her house tonight.

"It'll be okay. We'll see her soon." Melissa said.

But that didn't stop me from crying all the way home, and late into the night.

You guys. I am sobbing as I write this. I miss Lainey so much, and we've only been apart for 17 hours. I have no clue when I'm going to see her again, and that terrifies me. Thanks for putting up with my slow updates on everything, and I'm sorry to say this will probably affect my updates. I love you all, and I changed my profile picture, BTW. My friend Lauren also started a rant book :D It's called "Life on Jupiter" It's actually a creative title, but makes sense... If you read it... Sort of... Yeah, that's all. Sorry if i'm dramatic or anything -.-" Okay bye.

~rozz