On My Own

Nineteen, Pregnant, and Forgetful

"I'm pregnant, hormonal, hungry, and I think I just peed a little."

"Alright Sang, I see what you mean but I can't come down there until four o'clock."

I wrinkled my nose and set down my cup of ice-cream, my hand going to my swollen belly without a thought, "What do you mean four? It's noon, that's like four hours from now."

I knew I was being an unreasonable pout, but Dr. Roberts had become something of a father figure after I'd woken up in the hospital with no memory of who I was or where I came from. He's the one who nursed me back to health when I'd nearly died, and he's the only one I could trust when I knew something was wrong.

Being nineteen and pregnant isn't exactly a walk in the park, older ladies glare at me in the grocery store while I resist the urge to tell them off. I've been asked by the few friends I've managed to make who the father is and each time I change the subject. To them I just don't like talking about him. Little do they know he's just as much a mystery to them as he is for me. Which isn't fair because I have a little baby in my stomach.

"Yes Sang," Dr. Roberts said with a laugh, "But I'm a doctor you know, and I can't just take off early.. if I did that all the time then I might have missed the opportunity to meet you."

"Yeah about that," I said and picked up my spoon, taking a bite of mudslide ice cream, "Who's to say that you didn't drug me or something and wipe my memory with some memory wiper for some rich guy so he wouldn't have to pay child support?"

There was a chuckle, "Is that one a spur of the moment or have you been thinking about that theory for a while now?"

"Oh no, I am a very spur of the moment kind of girl, I'll have you know I actually cleaned my apartment today."

"Congratulations," he said dryly, and I heard someone call his name in the background noise over the phone, "Listen I will be there, I promise, but right now I've got some business to attend to.." he trailed off.

"Yeah yeah, bring over some more ice cream will you? Some weirdo got into it?"

"I'm sure they did."

"Later Doc."

"Four o'clock," he promised and then the call disconnected.

I finished the last little bit of ice cream and threw the carton in the garbage, which needed taken out. I wonder if Evan is home. He'd take out the garbage. I glanced around my apartment. All of it was fairly new, though some of it had come from a few thrift shops because I did not need a brand new couch especially if I was going to have a little baby running around in the distant future.

I decided to go ahead and see if Evan was home anyways, mostly because I didn't like being alone, knowing that if Doc Roberts hadn't decided to take care of me, that's what I would be in this world. After slipping on some sandals and blowing out a candle I'd lit on the table, I head on over to Evan's place.

His car's not there but I knock anyways. After waiting a few seconds I decide to just take out the trash myself, be independant and all that jazz. His apartment is in the next building from mine and the walk back always seems to take longer than the walk over because Miss Adam's with her cats always comes outside when I walk by her window. Which makes her outside to watch me walk back.

She wrinkles her nose at me and lifts her chin in the most dignified manner a cat lady can have, and turns slightly away as if I'm the lowest the human race can come to. I grin.

"Hello Miss Adam's, how are you this morning?"

No reply, not that I thought there would be a reply. She used to be semi nice to me until I started showing. And then any progress I'd made with her went out the window and into the dumpster. Not that I really cared what she thought.

Miss Adam's glared at me for daring be a nice single pregnant nineteen year old. I winked at her and went on my merry way, stopping to pet one of her cats along the way. Back in my apartment I kicked off my sandals and went over to the nursery.

For all I knew I'd been in a committed relationship and we'd gotten into a car accident and he died.

For all I knew I'd been raped.

There was no right or wrong answer because they were all very possible, because I didn't know anything. I sat down in the rocker chair and closed my eyes. Just for a minute, only a minute, I promised myself.

*

*

*

"Sang, Sang?!" his shouts woke me out of a slumber that was far deeper than what a nap should have caused.

I lifted my head, which felt heavy and foggy. A few blinks before I realize there's tape over my mouth and my hands are bound to the arms of the chair. Tears set in, because of course I need to cry before I let out a muffled yell. The room is dark, which isn't unusual because there aren't any windows in this one. At the same time it scares me because I swear I left the lamp next to me on.

It's a few seconds before Doctor Roberts finds me, the door crashed open and he looks horrified. The room's in complete shambles and the tape around my mouth is starting to suffocate me because I'm crying so hard my nose has become stuffed up.

It takes about two minutes for him to unbind me and help me out of the chair. The crib is broken on the floor, and so is everything else. The place is in complete ruins, and I was sitting in the only untouched circle.

"Come on, we need to move Sang, do you have your emergency bag?"

My what? I can't think, because as he pulls me out of the nursery towards the vent that my emergency bag is supposed to be kept in, all I can think about is someone was in this apartment, and took the time to ruin everything. The nursery is clearly the worst room, but the rest of the apartment isn't any worse.

"Sang?"

I glanced over at him and hiccuped, his worried eyes aren't on me but the wall where my front door is. Afraid someone's behind me I whirl around, while grabbing the candle off the table so I can chuck it at the sick creep. But all I find is red words written in a thick, runny paint on my wall.

You can't hide her from me.