On My Own

BOYS POV PART ONE

Some people asked for this, and I decided to post it here because it didn't give too much away :) I hope you enjoy part one. I would have just written it all but I seriously have to go do some school work and there's too many boys and too much to write for just one part---- sorry not sorry, enjoy. Oh and before I leave it out- I'm a comment junkie. I love seeing what you all have to think. Even if you completely hate me I'm all for it- :) 

Kota-

I grabbed a burger as I listened to my team bicker like usual. It'd been hard, these last seven months had been literal hell for a lot of us. The only thing that had made it bearable was Clementine. She'd been a bright spot amongst a lot of the darkness that had surrounded my team when we'd been forced to... no. I can't think of it because if I do I'll be right back at square one. I can't think of her in fear of spiralling right back down the rabbit hole we'd all fought so hard to climb out of.

It didn't help that I still carried around a picture of us all together- hidden of course because we'd burned all the rest in an attempt to move on and forget. It had been to protect her. We all knew deep down of course that she'd have never chosen it for herself, and I think that's what makes it so hard. We chose to let her go, without giving her chance to decide for herself.

I took a bite of my burger and pushed the thoughts away. I knew I'd need to excuse myself soon so that I could pull out the picture and count each of her fingers and toes. Then I'd count all the members of my team, and I'd do this all seven times because that's how many month's I'd gone without her.

I watched as Luke grabbed a burger similar to Gabriel's and asked him what it tasted like. True to himself, Gabriel replied sarcastic and with a swear word to top it off. I popped a frenchfry in my mouth and turned away from them. I needed to go and count now or I'd lose my mind. Sometimes it was so hard to watch them act normal and wonder what she would do if she were still here.

Oh look there she is, staring at us like we're a bunch of strangers.

I scoffed at my imagination and then snapped my eyes back to her form. It was unmistakable. Completely and wholly her. She was as beautiful, if not more so than I remembered. I felt my body froze and I couldn't remember if I'd actually eaten the fry or not. Had I? I lowered the french fry I'd had half way to my mouth and began to count my breathing... don't pass out Kota...

-Luke-

I grabbed a burger that looked similar to what Gabriel was eating. It looked kind of good, nothing like a homemade burger would taste but then again it was food and I don't turn down food. North looked grumpy as he stuffed a fry into his mouth. I couldn't help but notice the way he seemed to be silently debating with himself. I'd been doing that a lot lately. It was probably about Sang.

I knew a lot of the others couldn't even think he name without a big leap backwards, but I also knew we all still thought about here whether we talked about it or not. Every tuesday was either cowboy stew night or taco soup. We didn't talk about it, we didn't acknowledge it, but we did do it. I cooked it. I didn't know what North was thinking about but I knew he wouldn't talk about it until he was ready and I didn't want anyone else to ask him about it.

I decided to make a distraction. I'd been having to do a lot of that these last few months, though the biggest and best distraction we'd had hadn't come from me. Clementine kept our minds of Sang, at least for a little while. She'd given us purpose when we couldn't find any at all.

"Hey Gabriel what's that taste like?"

Gabriel looked up at me like I was a complete moron, "Oy, it taste like a burger you dumbass."

I rolled my eyes, and couldn't help but smile as Mr. B sounded resigned in his attempt to make Gabriel talk with some sort of mannerism. Out of the corner of my eye I watched Kota turn away from the group. He'd been doing this since we let Sang go- which everyone had agreed on for her safety. As much as it killed us to do so. I knew he had some sort of thing he did, we all did. So I didn't say anything about it.