Two steps behind

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Owen continued to stare out at the lake.

"You knew I'd come here," Owen stated.

"Of course I did, Owen. It's your home. It will always be your home. Always." Carina looked at Owen, the sunset colours surrounding them added a source of comfort and familiarity.

So many hours they had spent here, sitting on this very dock, looking at the sunset.

"Things have changed, Carina; I've changed," Owen exhaled.

"Of course you've changed, Owen; we both have," Carina spoke wistfully.

"We just didn't change together that's all," she paused.

"Are you happy? Now, after all this time? Are you happy?" Carina still took in Owen's profile.

She turned to sit cross legged on the dock, facing Owen.

She wanted to see for herself what the world had done to Owen.

She could close her eyes if she wanted to, and her memory would show her every line and every curve, every scar and blemish.

Now, she wanted to memorise the new Owen. The Owen that had been through a different time without her. Something that she had found heartbreaking but necessary.

Owen Blackbourne was like a beautiful bird of flight. Wonderful to behold, glorious to see, but never to be caged. She had known him all his life and she had known his heart like her own, once.

Things were different now. Carina knew that Owen was trying for a life that was not for her.

"Have you met someone?" the question startled Carina from her thoughts.

"Pardon?" Carina asked.

"I asked you, Carina, if you had met someone?" Owen persevered.

Squinting her eyes as the bright red and orange sunset filled the sky, Carina laughed; you know the answer to that, Owen Blackbourne! Are you telling me that you don't know anything about the last four years of my life? Have I to pretend also, that I don't know anything about yours?"

"Touché," Owen conceded.

"I want you to be happy, Carina," Owen's voice was gentle as it carried in the breeze around them.

"I am, Owen. I'm happy," Carina smiled.

"I've found a great team," she grinned at him, knowing that it news he already knew.

Owen nodded his head in acknowledgment.

"He's asked me to marry him. Ryan." The statement paused in the air.

"I've said no. I'm happier with things just the way they are," Carina mused.

"He's accepted that. Who knows what the future will bring?"

Owen smiled at Carina, "Who knows indeed."

"Do you love her?" Carina asked.

There it was. The question.

"Yes, I do Carina. I love her." Owen smiled at the thought of Sang.

"Will it work? All of you, sharing her? Will it work, Owen?" Carina asked.

"Yes, it will. I know that there will be problems, it's still early days, but yes, it will work. We love her." Owen's voice was full of certainty.

"Then I'm happy, Owen. I'm happy because you deserve someone to love." Carina gazed at the glorious colours illuminating the sky.

"I loved you too, Carina, once. In some ways, I always will, but not how you'd like me to." Owen's voice held clarity, finality.

"I didn't say that I loved you, Owen Blackbourne!" The mock horror in Carina's voice causing laughter to ignite from both of them.

"You loved me and I loved you, but things are different now, Carina," Owen said.

"You're right, yes they are. Things change for a reason, even if it's not clear." Carina's voice became wistful once again.

"You're thinking of Sophia, Carina." Owen's voice became filled with sadness.

"I always think of Mamma," Carina whispered, "every day. Papa too. He just could not live without her. He couldn't survive. She was the air he needed to breathe."

Owen's voice trembled as he tried to tell her, "I'm sorry, Carina. So sorry for not being stronger, for not being the man I should have been. I failed." Owen's voice faltered, as he repeated over and over, "I wasn't enough. I wasn't enough..."

Carina turned to look at Owen. "Look at me, Owen," she commanded.

Owen slowly lifted his gaze to Carina and found tear filled eyes matching his own.

"We cannot change the past," Carina said slowly.

"The past will always find us, Owen. It's what we do with the future that matters." Her gaze never leaving Owen's.

"I'll always be here for you, always behind you. I want nothing but joy, love and happiness for you, Owen, even if I'm not the one who can give you that. I'll always be two steps behind. I'll catch you if you fall. I know however, that you won't fall," the warmth of Carina's smile embraced Owen like an old friend.

Silently, he nodded as he wiped the tears that finally had merit to fall.

Carina and Owen sat in comfortable silence staring out at the lake as the sun finally set.


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Many thanks to B for Beta reading!





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