The Earring

Book 1 Part 7

Probably the biggest shock that challenged my rose-tinted view of marriage was the realization that my husband's selfish bent was not solved by love. (Mine wasn't either, but of course, I did not see my own selfishness nearly as clearly as I saw his.)

"I didn't know I could love someone more than I love myself," I heard David tell a friend.

I thought that meant that he would become my I Corinthians 13 lover. This Biblical passage paints the picture of perfect love. One of the attributes of this love is that it is not self-seeking. Somehow I convinced myself that David would always have my best interest at heart. When you translate that into everyday life, I expected David to: 1) anticipate my needs in a relationship, 2) listen patiently to my side when we had disagreements – and usually see the wisdom of my advice, and 3) buy me thoughtful presents without my having to list for him the desires of my heart.

The rude awakening came quickly. David worked a lot of weekends, since he had to fit his schedule around classes. He came in one day on cloud nine.

"I convinced them to give me Saturday off," he said with a huge grin.

My mind immediately jumped to the possibility of an afternoon shopping spree – we still had sheets hanging over the windows – followed by dinner and a movie.

"I told the guys there was no way I was going to miss the season opener," he continued, clueless that he had just burst the 'loving husband' bubble.

He knew I was no football fan. How could he plan a football evening on his first Saturday off? Swallowing convulsively, I ventured, "Could we go shopping in the morning for curtains and things?"

He pulled out his wallet and took out a couple of 20s.

"Knock yourself out, Sweet. I won't need the car. Andy will pick me up."

"You mean you're spending the day with the guys?" I asked in my calm-before-the-storm voice.

"Hey, I know you don't like football, Hon. I don't expect you to come. You can drop by the tailgating party in the parking lot, though, if you like. We'll have barbeque and cokes. If you get done shopping quickly, you can even come watch our game of tag football. I'm rusty, but I was always the star runner on my intramural team."

"You insensitive dolt!" I shouted as tears started to stream down my cheeks. "We haven't done anything fun since school started, and the first weekend you get off, you run off with the guys."

He tried to console me. He promised that he would get another weekend off, and I could make the plans. He suggested I use the curtain money and take my girlfriends to a tearjerker. He said he'd cook Sunday dinner. Nothing helped, because the offer to change his plans with the boys never came. I told him to go spend the night with Andy in the dorm and dream about his cozy marital bed.

Our first Christmas was just as eye opening. My first discovery was that he could care less about the trappings of Christmas. He would let me decorate if I wanted, but we didn't have the funds to spend on useless seasonal frippery. He let me invest in a string of lights. A bag of popcorn with which to string garland and a roll of ribbon that could be fashioned into bows on the tree boughs were the only other concessions. I thought he would at least join me in stringing popcorn while we played festive music. Nope. He watched television and never lifted a finger.

The second shock came when I asked how much he thought we should spend on each other's Christmas presents. I knew the amount would be meager, but I expected the spirit to compensate.

After we settled on $10 each, he handed me a ten-dollar bill and said, "Buy yourself something nice, wrap it up, and put it under the tree."