The Earring

Book 5 Part 3

I had to take Josh to the dentist the next day. We had our conversation in the car on the way. I told him about the pictures and asked him if he had feelings for boys. Josh told me that some of the kids at school called him "gay boy."

"Do you remember the weekend that I came home early from a sleepover the summer after the eighth grade?" he said. "Well, Steve, caressed my leg when we woke up. I got out of bed and hightailed it home."

"I remember you coming home awfully early," I said. "I thought it was strange, but you said his family was going somewhere and had to leave."

"Well, I wasn't going to tell you my best friend made a pass at me."

"I did notice that you guys quit hanging out together in the ninth grade."

"Yeah. I told you that Steve found new friends at High School. I didn't tell you that he went to school and told everyone that I was gay and had made a pass at him. That's why some of the kids dubbed me 'gay boy.'"

"Why didn't you say something?"

"What were you gonna do? Go to Steve's parents like you did Jeoff's when we played spin the bottle at his birthday party in the sixth grade? No thanks. I figured that it would die down after awhile, and it did."

"So those pictures aren't yours?"

"Nope, not mine."

David's conversation with Zach didn't go quite so well. He admitted that he was the one who'd been looking at male porn. When Josh and I got home, Daddy told Josh to watch Faith while we met with Zach in his room. Josh's eyes shot to my face. I saw compassion in his eyes.

When we got to his room, Zach admitted he'd gone onto the Internet in search of porn.

"All of the porn sites I found were gay porn," David said. "Is that the kind of porn that interests you?"

"Would you believe me if I told you that it was accidental?" Zach asked. He was looking at the floor instead of meeting our eyes. I reached out and touched his arm.

"Is that what you're telling us?"

He looked up, and our eyes locked for a minute.

"Is that what you want to hear?"

Our conversation continued in the same vein. He answered questions with questions, avoiding making any concrete admissions or denials.

"Son, I'm scared," David finally said. "As you know, homosexuality is rampant in my extended family. We need to know so we can help you. Do you have sexual feelings toward males?"

"You don't want to hear the answer to that question," Zach said.

"I take that as a yes," I said.

Zach told us that guys had sexually aroused him for a couple of years. He was fighting it the best he knew how. He dated girls and avoided guys that he was attracted to. He prayed every day for God to make him normal.

"I didn't ask for this," he said through tears. "I don't want to feel this way. I just want to be normal."

David got up and went to where Zach was sitting on the floor, his back against the wall. He sat down beside him and put his arms around him.

"Son, we love you," he said. "Nothing you can say or do will change that. We had to make you admit this if we were going to help you. Having a homosexual bent is not a sin, only indulgence is a sin."