Downfall.

Chapter 5

A few weeks rolled by and September turned into October with no new developments. I was slowly starting to make friends, merging in with Lacey's clique, edging myself back into the world of girls and their gossip. The boy who sat next to me in science, who I still was yet to learn his name, was quiet, occasionally giving me song titles of the rhythm he was tapping out that day. He told me once that it was a nervous habit, and made me wonder slightly what he could have to be nervous about. But I shook the thought off before I could think too much about it. It wasn't my business.

And then there was Alex.

Alex was... still a mystery. We acknowledged each other's existence when we passed each other, a small wave from me, a slight head nod from him. It was barely anything, but yet it was more than enough. I had this feeling in the pit of my stomach, almost like he was dangerous. But I didn't want to confront it. Confronting it meant facing life, and I wasn't ready for that yet. I didn't like confrontation, in any situation. I still hadn't accepted the fact that maybe my mom was actually really in trouble with her cancer. I refused to acknowledge it. 

Just like I refused to acknowledge that feeling in my stomach, the feeling that something was off with Alex. 

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But then came the night of the party.

Beau Stanford's party, to be exact. Aka the jock asshat who shoved me into the ground on day 1 of high school hell. 

He had approached me in math class, as he made the rounds to all the tables, flinging an invite in my direction, not even looking at my face. I took it, not questioning it. Everyone immediately started whispering, as soon as he sat down. I heard phrases like "party of the year", "going to be the best kegger yet", and "think I can bang Shelly if I get her drunk enough?" being thrown around the room for the days leading up to the party.

I really almost didn't go. And it's weird to think how different everything would be now if I hadn't gone. I could've stayed home, read my Sarah Dessen book, ate some pizza, and went to bed. 

But no. That's not what happened. That's not what happened at all.

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"You better be going to this party tonight. You know what? Don't even say anything. I'm on my way to pick you up right now. Look hot." Lacey said through the phone that was pressed to my ear. I opened my mouth to reply but the line went dead. Well. I guess that was that. 

Before I had time to think about it, I threw on a silky black party dress I had bought back over in Oregon, sprunched some mousse into my already naturally curly hair, popped some contacts in, and gave my dad a quick kiss goodbye as I bounded out the door, leaving behind the house of sickness and troubles behind me, just for the night.

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I had been to parties before. But I had never been to this intense of a party.

Beer was everywhere, random hookups were occuring all across the lawn and in the living room, and so many sweaty bodies were moving to the music I could hardly breathe. It took me a second to intake this atmosphere, so completely out of my ordinary. A red plastic cup was suddenly being pushed into my hand, as Lacey took one of her own from a massive jock holding at least 13 cups in his hands, making the rounds to the new guests. "C'mon. Just drink it. It'll make you feel better, relax a little." Lacey had to practically shout, over Maroon 5 blasting over the speakers. She downed hers in a second and did a little salute to me, sauntering off towards the jock passing out the liquid. I stared down into the brown alcohol in my cup, taking a deep breath. Well, if I was going to party, I might as well go big or go home, right? I downed the liquid in a few quick gulps. Right. 

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I may have had one too many beers. Or whatever I was drinking. I wasn't sure. The room wasn't spinning yet, but I definitely felt light. I wasn't usually a heavy drinker. In fact, I never really drank at all, besides the few times at Christmas with my dad and then that one time at my friend Maddie's house when her parents left an open vodka bottle on the counter during one of our sleepovers. 

So this, this was definitely a new feeling for me.  

I had lost Lacey at the very beginning of the party when she had waltzed off, and I was now slowly making new friends, joining groups and dancing with people. I was feeling more and more loose, ignoring the nagging thoughts in my head telling me to slow down. I pushed the thoughts away as a body came up and pressed itself to the back of me. I moved hesitantly at first to the music, and then became quickly sure of myself as I pressed myself into the front of the body solidly behind me. They moved with me, the music molding us into one. "Come upstairs with me." the voice whispered in my ear, deep and husky, obviously male. My thoughts were hazy. What was upstairs? I frowned, but stumbled toward the staircase, making it up, not bothering to check who my dance partner was, right on my heels as I walked up the stair case. 

We stumbled into a dark room, and I tried to fumble for a light switch, only to have my hands lightly grabbed. I found them laced in a head of spiky hair, my fingertips feeling buzzed and alive. My whole body felt buzzed and alive. I felt two hands place themselves on my hips, electricty shooting through me. Why did this feel so right? Before I knew it a pair of lips had found mine in the dark, the first kiss I'd had in a year. It took a second to get the hang of it again, but soon I was in the rhythm again. It felt natural. Good. Easy. The kiss deepend into a more aggressive one, his mouth hard against my own. His hands slid up and down my back, my hands knotting in his hair, our lips pressing harder and harder together. His tongue slid into my mouth and vise versa, the passion in us both undeniable. I fell back onto a bed and the boy fell on top of me, his hands now roaming up and down my sides and the front of my shirt. I knew it was getting heated fast, but I didn't want to stop. Luckily, I wasn't the one who stopped it.

Suddenly screaming was heard down below, along with sirens. Light suddenly poured into the room, hurting my eyes and my head. I let my eyes focus on my makeout buddy, so confused at the face I saw. He was looking down at me softly, the mystery gone from his eyes, fire buring in them instead. "Alex?" I murmured, his body still pressed hard against mine. "Hey Ava." he whispered. "I.. I gotta go." I said, after a moment of him staring into my eyes. Startled, he rolled off the top of me. I stumbled down the stairs. "Ava, wait." I heard him say behind me, but I ignored it. Instead I ran out the door, into the night air, past all the remaining guests and police man, and began my walk home.