Downfall.

Chapter 8

The weekend was spent in a hazy blur, my happiness trumping everything else. Blocking out my mother's rattling coughs, my brother's obvious silence, my father's attempt at hidden tears, I was surrounded by this cloud of happiness, the power of a first romance.

Monday rolled around soon enough though, and the anxiety set in. I really shouldn't be worried, I knew that Alex liked me. I just couldn't shake this knot of nerves writhing in my stomach, whispering in my ear that something was wrong, or that I should be worried. I pushed this all away.

I was walking down the hall on my way to science, my stomach like a writhing snake pit, when I heard a rough "hey" in my left ear. I startled slightly at the noise, turning my head to see if my suspicions were correct. They were, it was Alex. "Hey yourself." I managed smoothly. He glanced behind him and swung an arm around my shoulders, making my side press up against his. "Which way is your class?" he asked. I simply turned with him down the narrow science hallway, guiding him. We stopped in front of the lab room, and I broke out of his arm hold. I smiled up at him and he smiled down at me, a serene feeling of calm setting over me, completely pushing out the ball of anxiety that had rested in my stomach earlier today. I felt a tap on my shoulder, disrupting my peace. I turned around and came face to face with Carter, a small smile playing on his lips, his hair new and short. Surprised, I jumped to give him a hug, wrapping my arms around his neck tight. He hesitated at first, before lightly snaking his arms around my back, giving me a squeeze before releasing me. "You're back! And your hair! It's been a pain with you gone. I shouldn't be aloud to do science labs by myself..." I said in a rush. He laughed at me, and I smiled, until I heard a throat clearing behind me. I turned to see Alex still standing there, his face hard and one of his eyebrows raised. "Oh! Alex this is Carter, my lab partner. Carter this is Alex, my..." I paused. What was Alex to me? They were both watching me expectaningly now. "My friend..." I tried, awkwardly. The look on Alex's face told me I had said something really wrong. Shit. I couldn't fix it now. Carter held out his hand for a handshake, which Alex only stared at, his eyes dark. Carter awkwardly took back his hand, shoving it in his pocket. He gave me a nod and walked into the classroom, taking his seat. I slowly turned to look at Alex, question him about why he was so rude to my friend. But when I turned, he was already gone. 

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Carter raised an eyebrow at me when I sat down. I ignored it and pushed through. "I like your hair better short. You can see your eyes." I said, trying to distract him. It worked, as he turned a light shade of pink. He nodded a thank you. We were both quiet for a moment, before he spoke. "I'm sorry... About dumping all that on you about my... my brother. I'm still learning how to deal with it." He managed, his voice cracking a little. I shook my head at his apology. "No one expected you to even come to school that day, let alone today. Don't apologize." I said, giving him a reassuring smile. He smiled back, a half smile, one that highlighted a single cheek dimple. His teal eyes studied me for a moment. "What?" I asked. "So Alex huh?" he said, a smirk on his face. I felt my face grow hot, "I don't know." I said, uncertain. I didn't know what Alex and I were, and introducing him to Carter this morning had made it even more evident to me and to him. "He's into you. That was obvious." he said, snorting. I looked at him warily. "How could you tell?" "I've known Alex for a long time, since we were kids. He used to be my best friend. I know when Alex likes a girl." he said, avoiding my eyes. I tried to ask a question but Carter held up his hand. "It didn't end well, he and I don't talk anymore and we pretend like we don't know each other. Just... Be careful. Alex is unpredictable." he said, quietly. I started to protest again, but the bell rang, shutting me up.

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The hag had me run some papers up to the student filing room today, when I finished my math test. Her class was always awfully silent, making it incredibly awful for me. I didn't like silence, I didn't like being alone with my own thoughts. They warped themselves into ugly monsters that kept my awake at night, their constant strings of sub thoughts filling my brain. I didn't like to think too much, unless I had to. 

So when she handed me the file, I was greatful to get out of there, even if it was just for a moment. I walked into the empty hallway, walking slowly as I opened the file in my hands. I came to a sudden stop when I read the name at the top. This was Beau's folder. All his schedules, math assignments, everything the hag was in charge of. I stared down at the first page, his schedule staring back at me. I hadn't known he was in the journal writing class two periods before me. I hadn't known anything about him, except for the fact that he had shoved me in the gravel on day one and that he had invited me to the party where he had died. A pang of sadness flooded through me for Carter. Even if Beau was an asshole at times, all he wanted was to have fun, maybe to forget? while he was drinking. But he ended up with the worst consequence of all, his karma biting him in the ass, as he tasted the bitter tang of death. I shuddered at the thought, shutting the folder on the schedules, math test, and red corners of envelopes in the back, thinking nothing of it. 

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Lacey and I talked the entire journal writing class period in the back of the room, completely ignoring all directions. I told her all about my date with Alex, and how I felt about him. I talked about the weird encounter with Carter and I this morning, and the way Alex had reacted. I talked about what Carter had said about him and Alex being friends a while back. She stopped me here and supported that statement, saying that they had both went to her middle school. She talked about how they used to be really close and then all of a sudden they both came back from Spring Break and hated each other. The curiousity bubbled within me as Lacey gushed about Alex and I, about how she never knew he was such a romantic. She babbled on for a while, but all I could think about was how things could change so fast for my lab partner and my... whatever Alex was to me. The thought plagued me for the rest of the period as Lacey went on about pointless gossip. 

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I walked into Arts with low expectations for Alex would treat me. He'd probably just ignore me the entire time, painting angrily on an easel. For the first half of the class period, this was true. He slashed with red paint across a canvas on the other side of the room, while I fiddeled with a camera, my eyes finding him more often then they should have. Towards the end of class, however, this changed. I felt the prescence of a body standing behind me, and I slowly turned my head, to find Alex looking down at me. His eyes were softer than they had been this morning, but they held that same haunted air they always did. "How's your day?" he asked casually. A sudden burst of anger shot through me. He had ignored me all class period and had left this morning without saying a word to me. I squinted up at him, and by the look on his face I knew my anger was evident. He held up his hands, the red paint splattered upon them. "Why are you so mad?" he asked, his tone almost accusing. This took me off guard. I opened my mouth to say something, but shut it. I didn't know why this made me so angry. It wasn't worth a fight over. I forced a smile on to my face. "I'm fine, everything's good." I said, making my voice as convincing as possible. He smiled back down at me. 

That was the first lie of the relationship. The beginning of the thousands to come.