Tris is Alive: Aftermath

Chapter 11

Tris POV

We finally get to the top of the Ferris wheel and he pulls me in his arms. I sit right next to him and pull out a blanket to cover us up. I look out at the scenery and remember the last time we were here, all of the love that was between us.  I feel my heart slowly crumble as I realized we were once engaged, Tobias still doesn't remember it. I remember it as it happened yesterday, it was just so perfect to me. I lay my head on his chest, I just want to go back to that time so bad.

"You know I still can't believe you're here, I mean I know I'm holding you but I'm nervous that I'll open my eyes and you'll be gone again..." I look up at Tobias, he's already looking at me. I hold his hand and intertwine our fingers, "Tobias I told you before... I'm not going to go anywhere. Don't freak out okay?" He shakes his head, "I can't help it Tris, you don't understand at all. I thought you were dead, DEAD. GONE. PASSED. Do you know how miserable I've been?" I take my hand out of his and sit up, "Tobias...." He gets up, "What? What now Tris? Are you going to tell me to relax? To not bring it up?" I get up and place my hand on his chest, "Tobias please relax, let's go back down and we can talk about it there."

He looks at me, confused on what to do. He has so many options laid out in front of him, he probably is trying to figure out what to do. I had a feeling this would happen sooner or later, I don't blame him either. He's right, I was gone out of his life and he was suffering. Yeah I at least knew the truth but for him he was so alone. It's not easy for your dead girlfriend to just reappear about a year and a half out of nowhere, just to reveal that someone you trusted was in on the secret and was in the process of moving on.

He's been so strong with everything, and now the whole year and a half is coming out. I just wish it wasn't top of a Ferris Wheel, where last time he mentioned about jumping just to end his pain. I look at him and he looks so lost, the wheels slowly turning in his head. He pretty much has two options, to leave me or to work this out with me. Sadly I would have to accept whatever he decides, I don't have a choice. After all I've put him through, he deserves to be happy. He slowly sits down and looks out at the city, after a few moments I decide to sit down next to him. I give him some space though, the last thing he needs is me hovering him.

I watch him, and he looks like he's trying to figure out everything. He keeps going back and forth in his head. I can't help but try to imagine what he's thinking. I can only imagine how hard it is. Like I said before, I experienced pain because they took me away from everyone, but I knew he was alive and I could monitor him. He thought I was dead... the love of his life... dead. Lifeless. Gone. Never to return again. It could have also reminded him of his mother... with that thought I feel sick to my stomach. I hurt him just like she did, I hurt him.... Hurt. I look down, unable to continue seeing the pain on his face.

We sit there a few more moments in silence, him thinking and me ashamed. It's not an awkward silence, it's a necessary silence. I need to stop hurting him, I'm just like a grenade. I'm going to blow up and hurt everyone I know. He doesn't deserve this, he deserves so much better. I get up but he quickly grabs my arm, "Please don't leave me Tris... we need to talk." I could hear the pain in his voice and I look down and see a few tears coming out of his eyes. I can feel my heart shattering again.

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