The reason

Chapter 10

Full, I push the plate away from me and sit back. As if knowing we're done, Ruth come in and collects our plates. "Thank you, it was delicious." I tell her. "You're welcome, dear. What else can I do for you?"

"If it's no trouble, could you please drop me off at my house?" At that, Ben snaps his head up from looking at the table.

"You're not going back there." He growls, his fingers curling around the edge of the hardwood table.

"I have to, it's my home." I say, surprised at his strong reaction.

"You'll stay here, you don't need to ever go back there."

"Don't be ridiculous, I need to get ready for school." I stand up, confused as to why he cares enough to try stop me. But he isn't getting up, not yet. He sits back in his chair, relief plain in his smirk.              "It's Saturday, Reegan." Huh? I go over the past few days in my head, and realize he's right. Well, I don't want to stay here, I don't need some good Samaritans acting like saints. I'm not a helpless puppy.

"I need to brush my teeth and everything. All my stuff's at the house." It's starting to get awkward, Ruth's still watching our conversation. Did I ask too much of them? "I'm sorry. I'll walk, I just thought..." I let my voice trail off and head towards the door, gritting my teeth against the pain. I'm proud when not a single grimace goes across my face. Just when I near the door, Ben steps in front of me. Great, I didn't walk all that way for nothing.

"Please, move." I ask in a low voice and shuffle sideways in an attempt to slide past him. Of course it doesn't work, I'm crippled and he's fine, in fact he looks like he's in great shape.

"Mum, can I borrow the car? I promise we will both return it in perfect condition." He calls over the top of my head. I glare at him, determined not to give in. I'll be the first to admit I have a stubborn streak.

Five minutes later I'm sitting in the passengers seat with my arms crossed glaring out the window. He just picked me up and plonked me in the car! Stupid muscles. "Aw, come on Reegan! Don't give me the silent treatment." He begs like a little kid, attempting to lighten the mood. But his eyes tighten, he's worried I really am mad at him. Serves him right, the bully! Despite how irritated I am, I'm not mad at him. I feel like I should be though, though he hasn't actually done anything that wrong. Oh well, he can suffer a little longer. I relax into the silence, ignoring the glances directed at me every few seconds. He stops at a stop sign and waits as a car passes in front of us. Then we turn right and slowly pick up speed again. As he flicks his gaze towards me again I say calmly, "You can stop ogling my hot body." He jumps, and of course stares at me again. After a second he bursts out laughing.

"What is it?" My joke wasn't that funny. Unless he's laughing because the idea of me being hot is so ridiculous. In which case he can go to hell. I feel my emotions freeze and face away from him again.

"Aww, don't do that. I'm...sorry...Reegan." he says, in between chuckles. I'm worried he's going to drive off the road if he doesn't watch it soon.

"It's just, that's the first joke I've ever heard you make. And I thought you were mad at me." He's more serious now, concerned he's offended me. Instantly, I thawed, this guy seriously needs to chillax. I turn my attention to the scenery and look up at the building we park in front of.

"You brought me to a museum?" My voice is incredulous? What is going through this guy's mind?"

"I thought it'd be deserted. And at least a dinosaur will be there to bite my head off for you if you get mad." I crack a smile at his lame joke and he comes round to my door, helping me out. Rather than going inside, he leads me around the side of the building. Protruding from the side of the cream stonework is a wooden bench, with twisted and carved metal rising from it to the wall.

Ben helps me sit down gently and bends over to pick a daffodil. He hands it to me, a faint red tinge on his cheeks. Accepting it slowly I give him a wondering look. "It's a bribe. I don't want you attacking me halfway through." 

"Why would I do that?" I ask him, sniffing the flower carefully. Around the seat and in the gardens are more, hundreds of them. It's somehow the most beautiful sight I've ever seen. "Because I basically kidnapped you and brought you here? And because I want to ask you some personal questions." That gets my attention and I turn my head to look into his green eyes. They're not joking anymore, they're serious and that makes me nervous. I wait for his first question, my toe tapping in my school shoe, the ones I wore yesterday. 

"Was it your mum that hit you?" he already knows the answer when I confirm it. "How long?" He asks, his voice tightening.

"Just over five years." I tell him, watching his eyes close as he takes that in. When he opens them again, he's composed. "What about the rest of your family, your father?" He asks. He's right, this is getting personal. I want so much to shove the flower at him and walk away, but I know he's much too stubborn. That and for the first time, I want to tell someone, tell him. How can he just change my emotions like that, make me break out of year long habits?

 "My father left five and a half years ago. He just walked out one day, he didn't care enough to contact me." I have to fight to keep my voice steady, fight the itch working its way up my left arm. Wanting me to cut it, to let the anger out. It's connected to my emotions, a reflex. Ben doesn't notice as I shift uncomfortably.

"What did you do to Brian?" He asks, shifting my attention. "I come from a weird family." Doesn't he understand that? "Oh, and I punched him in the face the day before I met you." I keep my voice casual, thankful for the years of practice. That practice is put to the ultimate test with his next question. "The things Brian says about you, are they true?" Though he doesn't say it, I know he means the cutting.

Lie to him, my inner voice tells me. I honestly don't know if I can lie to him right now. This is over my  head shocking. I'm blown away, paralysed like a deer under headlights. I lick my lips nervously, a small, controlled movement. Everyone just assumes, nobody's ever seriously asked me. How would he react?

"Reegan?" I'm not sure my control is strong enough and that scares the crap out of me. I need to cut. If I open my mouth a little I'm scared I'll blurt it all out to him, tell him every damn thing. It's bursting against my skin from the inside out, wanting him to know. I'm barely aware of my clenched fists as I focus on breathing. In. And out. By this time it's already too late. My silence is answer enough. At least I didn't tell him, I didn't give it away. Not that it matters.

"Hey are you okay?" He asks, leaning towards me. Don't touch me.  Please. I see him reach his arm out towards me. Don't touch me. He's oblivious to my silent thoughts and puts his arm around me. Just like that, my resistance crumbles. Stupid, stupid. I think as I drop my head into my hands, pressing my palms against my eyes in an attempt to stop the tears.  I don't even know why I'm crying, I don't feel sad. All I feel is ashamed and that's frickin' scary. I have never cared what people think, never.

"It's okay, don't cry." He sounds panicky, like he doesn't know what to do. So he just sits there and lets me lean on his strong arm. With a deep gulp, I force my tears to stop, wiping away the last of the moisture. I'm sure I look like crap right now. "Can I see?" He asks and pulls up the sleeve of my right arm. Stupid, why would a right hander cut with the left? He looks relieved as he pulls the sleeve back down and reaches for my left. I don't have the energy to stop him as he lifts it up, gasping at the sight of four and a half year's worth of scars. The fading pink lines peeking out from closing over ones and fresher, red ones.

A/N. Big thanks to hrrypotter4lyfe, for the awesome comment that inspired me once again. I couldn't help but sit down and start writing this chapter. I'm going to finish this book, not just because I don't like loose ends. Because I kind of feel like I owe the book an ending. Reegan's just starting to realise that Ben is different from most guys and he has a different affect on her. She just hasn't realised why he affects her like he does.