Just Me

Home Life pt.1

So, I thought it would be nice to share a bit of how life is at home.

The reason why this is in parts is because, as I have stated before, I live in two separate houses: one with my mom and one with my dad.

As you can tell, my mom and dad are not together and have not been together for a very long time. Ever since I was born actually. They were never married but still agreed to take care of me as mutual guardians. My mom has custody over me though and still does to this day.

So I'll be talking about how life is at my mom's house first. Things obviously change so I'll be going through phases in this chapter (if you can even call it that).

I currently live at my mom's with her, my little brother and my new dog, Koda. Before, we never used to have a dog. Before that, my mom actually used to be married and I had a step-father, but, like a dumbass, he cheated on her and she filed for divorce. Now he is gone and barely pays child support for my brother.

So cool.

Anyway, everything is pretty chill at my mom's. Before, every day, as soon as I came home, I'd immediately go to my room, close the door and do my own thing. I barely talked with anyone else in the house. It was always just me, my laptop and my phone.

I isolated myself so much to the point where I had lost some sort of deeper relationship with my own mother. We never had full conversations and sometimes we'd utter less than ten words to each other per day. It was always wake up, go to school (unless it was a weekend), get picked up afterwards, come home, and head to my room. I guess it was unhealthy for us.

My step-dad was an okay guy. He wasn't the best person but he wasn't utterly horrible, ya know? I grew distant from him too. There was always something I didn't like about him, though. My grandmother never really liked him either. Neither did my aunt. Or anyone else for that matter. So when my mom told me that she was divorcing him, I was genuinely okay with it. I didn't argue, didn't think it was bad or super delightful. I was just okay. I admit I was a bit concerned for my brother but, as of now, he's a perfectly happy, nerdy kid.

So, they got a divorce, my once-step-dad moved out of the house and that's when things started to get closer between my mom and I. I don't know what happened, but after a while she began actually asking me how my day at school was when she would pick me up. She was becoming more open with me and, over time, I did too. I felt it was easier to ask her questions. I felt it was easier to show her funny things I find online. She started to laugh with me more and joke around. My mom can still be a very scary woman though and pretty serious too. She rarely gets pissed (and I mean pissed) and never once have I ever seen her cry. Like, she NEVER cries. I think the only time I could say that she has is when my great-grandfather (her grandfather) had passed. Other than that, she's made of stone.

My mom's kinda scary but she's funny and loving in a strange way. Even my friends are kinda scared of her. Especially Alexis. My mom can be so poker faced at times and so dead serious. She's one of those people that can mildly threaten you then laugh it off and have a giant smile on their face.

Yeah.

My mom also likes to joke and say she's going to give my friends "the talk" and lecture them about STDs, while I'm there. She even started talking about herpes and boys having cooties to my friend Arianna while we were on the phone. She really likes to drop the STDs conversation on my friends.

Where was I again??

Right, my relationship with my mother was beginning to mend again after years of being barely anything.

So we grew closer and stuff. Things are really cool between us now. We recently started watching the X-files together. What's sweet is that she doesn't watch it on her own. She waits for me. c:

Okay so, she divorced my step-dad, things were okay after a while.

Until she announced that we had to sell the house.

We're still in the process of trying to sell it. We constantly have to make it as presentable as possible when we're gone.

Once the house sells, she'll get an apartment and she, my brother, Koda and I will live there. She hopes to find a three bedroom place but if she can't then I won't mind sharing with my little brother.

Anyway, I was bugged. Mostly because one of these days I'm going to have to pack up all of my shit and move it. And I've got A LOT of shit. Plus, having people come into your house, into your room and looking around isn't so comforting. But, I have to deal with it if we need to make the place sell.

With my step-father gone (he's not even my step-parent anymore. I'll just call him Ray), my mom has to pay for everything on her own. We're now a single income family and it's pretty...nerve racking. We're not slowly going into poverty but it's different than how things used to be. I'm always worried about my mom and how she's paying for everything. She works two jobs (she works at a DPS place and she's a teacher at a gym). If financial problems are getting to her, she certainly doesn't show it. At least not in front of my brother and I.

I've come to feel like I should offer to pay for things, like groceries and such. I've accumulated money over the past two years (like birthday money, Christmas money), and sometimes I'm willing to a give a portion of money to her, and to my dad too since he also deals with some financial problems. But, the times that I have offered, she turns me down. Putting thought into why, I began to realize how...embarrassing it is. How embarrassing it is for your own child to start giving you money just so you can put food on the table and even have water to drink. She's the only adult in her household and does everything on her own. She's a strong, independent woman. And, to have your kid offer to give money when you should be the adult and taking care of that? I don't know if this makes sense or not but I can see how stupid and incompetent it can make a parent feel. So, I try to stay out of that subject as much as possible.

Honestly, I don't mean to make her feel bad. I'm genuinely concerned for the well-being of the family.

Nowadays, I'm more thoughtful to what she does, to what I do. I say thank you when she makes me food. I analyze a situation and try to talk with her when it's appropriate. I ask her if I can eat a certain food in the fridge or drink a certain drink, or do certain things. She says go ahead, that I don't have to ask her about every single little thing. Lately, she's grown annoyed with my constant asking of questions. She tells me that I need to be more independent, that I'm fifteen and should be able to make my own decisions. It's funny, considering her mentality for me differs greatly for how things are at my dad's. This will be explained in the second part, when I talk about how things are at his place. Let's just say, things are kinda the opposite there.

Anyway, enough of the financial stuff. It gives me headaches.

Things have changed a lot. I mean, my mom divorced, we have to sell the house and I got a dog. Speaking of her, she's been doing okay. Fucks up here and there, but all and all she's a little, lovable bread loaf. A shitty, lovable bread loaf.

My brother is okay too. He mostly stays cooped up in his room, playing with his DS or his Kindle. I barely talk to him. He kinda acts like how I used to, ya know, isolating himself in his room. It's probably not healthy though, considering he's eight years old. But, he's still a little weirdo and loves video games. Especially Minecraft. He's got a shit ton of the Minecraft plushies. He may even have all of them. Such a nerd.

And me? Well, I just sit in my room and write my stories, whilst taking care of my dog. I watch YouTube, read books, do my homework like a normal teenager. You guys know some stuff about me considering I have Wattpad and an Insta that I (somewhat) regularly use. As I write this story, you'll know more about me. I've noticed that most of you can relate to me and that's cool. Hopefully, this book serves to help you, in some way or another. I know this probably helps me, considering how much stuff is happening with me and the fact that I don't have my friends anymore at school to help me vent stuff.

Man, I have a raging headache. I probably shouldn't have done this while I feel tired and awful but I felt like I should get this out before I end up forgetting.

Anyway, that's my life at my mom's house. I'll make the part with my dad's later, and boy that one will be a ride, I can tell you that...!

See ya.