Alice's love

Chapter seven

"Good night" Eva said as I turned off the lights in the living room. I had pulled out an air mattress for Julian and her.
"Goodnight" I responded and headed upstairs. The guest room door was already closed where Caleb and Anna were asleep. The office door was slightly open where Xander slept. I debated talking to him but instead I went to my room. I closed the door behind me and I jumped at the sight of Xander sitting on the edge of my bed. I grasped at my chest trying to calm my nerves.
"Xander! You scared me"
"Sorry" he kept his head down.
"What's on your mind? I can't read it anymore" I smirked. Xander looked up and gave me a slight smile. Then he got of the bed and seconds after his lips were on mine. He pushed me up against the door and his tongue swirled with mine. I grasped as his arms and gave into his mouth only realizing he tasted like blood. I pulled away at the copper taste. We were both breathless.
"You taste like blood, Xander"
"I had too. It's intoxicating being near you" he ran a hand through his hair. Was everyone struggling like he was being so close to a human at all times?
"Is everyone?" I asked. He shook his head. We are all used to being near humans but because it's you...." His voice trailed off and pain was lodged in his throat.
"I thought I lost you, Alice" he touched my upper arm with his index finger and ran it down to my hand before intertwining his fingers with mine.
"I'm sorry" I whispered as a knot began to form in my throat. I can only imagine what I had put everyone through, what Xander had gone through. If it was me wondering if Xander was dead or alive, I'd go crazy.

"I love you" he said. My head shot up and Xander was looking into my eyes.
"You love me?" The tears began to fall but full of joy instead of sadness.
"Of course I love you, Alice. I just haven't felt this way in a long time. It was hard for me" I had to be considerate of what happened to him all those years ago when he lost Beth. But now Xander had told me he loved me. Words I only dreamed of hearing from him.
"I told myself that if I ever got the chance to hold you in my arms again, I'd tell you how I truly felt" I let a sob out and wrapped my arms around his neck, letting all the pain I had felt in the past months, fade away.
"Stay with me" I said still holding onto him.
"What?" Xander pulled me at arms length to look into my eyes.
"I miss having you next to me in bed" I smiled innocently.
"Okay" he replied. I moved from his arms and went to my closet and yanked off a sleeping gown. I removed my jeans and shirt, following my bra before slipping on the gown. When I turned around Xander's eyes were locked on my body intently. It started a boil to my stomach and brought back many memories.

"You don't want to get comfortable?" I asked. His gaze left my body and went to remove his pants and folding them off to the side. Xander was left in boxers and a shirt. It occurred to me that maybe if you took his shirt off, I wouldn't be able to handle myself. I pulled off the duvet and laid the pillows out. I slid under the covers, Xander followed. He felt tense as he spooned me, I grabbed his arm and put it around me. He let out a long breathe and I felt his whole body relax with mine, then he nuzzled into my neck.

I miss this so much and nobody could give me what I wanted. I wanted Xander. Mike is a great guy but he'd be a downgrade and probably a rebound.

But as much as I wanted everything to be perfect if I ever got Xander back... It's not. I'm human and he's a vampire.

The sun beamed through the window and I realized that I was the only one in the bed. Had he left last night? I got out of bed and opened the door. I could hear talking downstairs. Was everyone awake already? I put on my robe and walked downstairs. Everyone was seated in the kitchen. Gosh, just like old times. They stopped talking when they realized I was there.
"Morning" I said. They responded in unison.
"Alice sit down" Eva said and patted at an empty chair. They've been waiting for me because some were standing since I don't have enough chairs. I sat down between her and Anna.
"What's going on?" I asked. I began to get nervous.
"We are going to leave, back to the cult" she said sadly.
"Why? The rodeo ends today" had they not planned to go both days?
"We can't be here anymore. I'm sorry. You're human."
"What's that suppose to mean?" I looked around the table, nobody meeting my eyes but Xander who looked pained.
"You were our friend and to others more..." She looked at Xander. I did the same.
"It's not good for either of us to be near one another"
"So that's it?!" I stood up making the chair screech back.
"Alice, what did you expect?" Caleb said. What did I expect? That they'd turn me back? I guess a part of me wanted to be a vampire again especially because Xander has finally told me that he loves me. Tears threatened to fall.
"Okay" I choked out. I slowly fell back into my chair. Eva put a hand on my shoulder.
"I'm sorry" I nodded not looking into her eyes. She got up and everyone followed. Anna and Caleb went upstairs, probably to change and get their bags. I went upstairs and into my room.

A knock came at the door.
"Come in" I said. I could see Xander from the mirror.
"Hi" he said.
"Why can't you just turn me?" I snapped. He ran a hand through his hair.
"We aren't allowed to. Before the council placed the law, I could have but it's illegal to change a human who isn't dying. The penalty is death."
"Xander.... I love you" I sobbed.
"I love you too" his words were daggers.
"You don't know how long I've been waiting to hear you say that and now I can't even be with you anymore" I cried. The tears fell freely now.
"Why didn't you keep fighting?" Xander was talking about allowing myself to be turned to a human.
"I didn't want to live in eternity loving someone who didn't love me" I dropped my head in shame because now I've been proved wrong. Xander does love me.
"Fuck.... This is all my fault" I was going to deny it but yes in reality it is his fault. I would have never left to the council if he told me he loved me. Never have been kidnapped from trying to get closure and never had agreed to be Sean's guinea pig.

"Turn me, Xander" I demanded.
"I can't"
"Please..." I wouldn't be able to live now knowing he did love me and yet we can't be together.
"You owe me" I cried.
"That's not fair" he was in so much pain. But so was I.
"Not fair? You want to know what's not fair??! Not fair is loving you with all my heart and soul and never getting it back!! That it took the chance of me being dead for you to finally realize you wanted to tell me that you love me! What if I had been dead, Xander?!" I was helpless and lost. I'm heartbroken. Xander just looked at me like if he was on the brink of crying as well. I was angry and in despair. I pushed him out of the way and ran downstairs. I grabbed my keys. Eva yelled my name but I ignored her and ran out the door.
I jumped into the truck and started the engine. My tires screeched as I turned around sharply and headed out of the town. I was hitting 80 mph, I cried and I cried. Hitting the steering wheel in anger. Why had this happened to me? Why did that burglar have to destroy my life?? I had it good!!! Being a vampire has only caused me pain and heart break. I swerved into the other lane and I almost had a head on collision with an SUV but i swerved back, only I swerved to hard at the speed I was going and headed right for the junkyard. Brakes wouldn't stop it.

The air bag knocked me unconscious.
"Ugh fuck...." I came to but I spit out blood. I looked down to see a giant piece of scrap metal lodged into my chest.
"Oh god..." Shit. I'm gonna die. My breathe got raspy, I shifted slightly but it only dug into me further.
"ALICE!!" Out the window I saw Xander. He yanked the door off its hinges.
"Oh my god, baby... What have you done to yourself??" My body began to convulse.
"She's gonna die, Xander!" Julian arrived.
"Help me get her out" Xander said.
"There's no way that pulling the metal out isn't going to kill her instantly. You're gonna have to bite her" Julian said. Xander frowned sadly at me, after a few seconds he grabbed my arm. He hesitated before sinking his teeth in. I flinched at the pain. He wiped his mouth. I tried to speak but nothing can but garbles.
"Shhh...." Xander said in a soothing tone. I felt the venom flow through my body but this time I was more conscious. It began to burn. My skin itched and felt like it would fall right off the bone. I grunted and I felt my face get red and hot.
"AHHHH!!!"
"I don't know what to do!" Xander cried towards Julian.
"There's nothing you can do, you were supposedly there when Anna was turned"
"I know but Alice kept her calm" he felt helpless against the excruciating pain I was feeling.
"Then you have to do the same for her" Julian was calm and he probably could have pushed Xander aside but I can tell he wanted Xander to learn. And I was okay with that. I tried to hold my screams but it was the only way I could breathe. And it hurt Xander every time I did. After what felt like hours of pain which was only minutes, I felt my body go numb. Either it was the venom or the loss of blood. But I welcomed the thought of being unconscious.

"When should I take out the metal?" Xander asked.
"It looks like you can now" I was near dying and probably wouldn't feel a thing.
"Okay... Look at me, Alice" I stared into Xander's eyes or partially because the tears blurred my vision. He put a hand on the metal and I never let my eyes leave his. Before he yanked I tightened my eyes and the moment he pulled I felt my lungs fill. I let a gasp. I opened my eyes before blood spewed out of my mouth nonstop.
"Oh god..." Xander wanted to look away. My body convulsed again as the life was living my body. Julian could tell Xander couldn't take it anymore. He put a hand on his shoulder and signaled him away.
"I'm sorry...." Xander sobbed. I tried to smile but probably nothing moved except my lungs trying to function. Julian held my hand and I closed my eyes.

I'd die as a human and wake up as a vampire once again.