Clarity: A Lapidot Fanfiction

«Tantrum»

Peridot's point of view

Jasper snaked her hand under the table to touch my knee and interrupt me for what I was going to say. "She is very happy to be here, she doesn't even have words to describe her excitment-" she turns with a threatening smile to me—"Right, Peridot?" She said through her pointy teeth, I gulp and nodd quickly as a response to the gems sitting on the long table. They look at each other in disbelief but went with whatever Jasper had to say. Her grip on my knee disappeared and she suddenly turned back to her normal self.
"My, Peridot, you look like you don't want to marry her." An unknown voice said, the tone sounded teasing, almost like he did it on purpose. I tried to show a smile, but the ends of my lips wouldn't tuck up. It was the only thing I could do, since I thought the gem's hand would pinch my thigh one more time. The room filled with silence, my throat was tightening up and I couldn't say anything.
He was right, I don't want to do this. I better explain this to Jasper, she will understand—right? "Who dared to say that?" The stripped gem growled, glareing at every gem that took place in the setting with us. No one had something to say, suddenly everyone was the innocent one; they were clearly not.

"I really dislike those kind of comments, so it better not repeat itself." She brushed her cape and sighed. I push the chair but Jasper secretly held it behind. "So anyways..." She peeped. I cross my arms and slouch back on the chair. She was talking a lot of things of our planned wedding, but all I could hear was noise. The voice of a very blue gem re-sounded in the back of my head, she was screaming my name for some reason. And for some reason she sounded desperate and hurt. I snake my hands under the table and push the chair back slowly. "I'm going to rest, If you need anything please look for me in my room." I leaned to her ear and said this to her, she nodded ,as if she didn't even pay attention, she returned to her meaningless conversation with the other strangers. I rushed back inside the ship with anxiety. I couldn't carry myself, I was about to lose everything I like, everything I've ever wished for. It was all crashing down, I couldn't carry the weight of the world with my small hands, not even with the help of my enhancers, which were located inside my room.
I feel very heavy all of the sudden, the place around me began to shrink. What was happening to me? I am lost, I am scared—but most of all I am stuck. My sadness and my guilt were standing all over me, I couldn't get up, my back had hit the wall instantly. The only way to get this all out was to breath calmly, but I was choking, I was begining to sob— the tears fell endlessly from my eyes, they piled up inside my visors and I slipped them off to let them fall freely. My chest was combultioning, the sobs were so strong I was moving from my place. I can't do this, I'd rather be shattered.
When I thought it was over I realized it never even begun; now it is where is starts.
I squeeze my eyes shut and the water rolls down even faster. I want this to go away, how can I make this go away? Get out of my head! I pulled my own triangled hair ,kicking the floor with my heels with all existing might— I began to hurt myself; I hit the back of my head one time and after hearing a satisfying crack, I calmed down ever so slightly. The guilt began to tighten on my shoulders, I kicked the air randomly to get it out of me but it was still there. It was so embarrassing how I was acting; so childish, like a baby that never received its favorite toy.
"No!" I whined, my face shrunk as well, my cheeks were being cupped by a heavy guilt that took a strange form. My body was hollow now, my chest was as well, I lean and take the first thing I could see which was a ribbon. It stroked my face so slowly that I had to force it to me, I wrap my shaky arms around the slim form, which stood up and carried me inside its slim yet strong arms— Squeezing me in to a comforting hug. I wrap my arms around its neck and my legs around the torso. It walked through this quiet placed that just replayed my sobs all over again, it stroked my hair so delicately that my sobs were gone. Now I just tried to sniffle the remaining evidence of my breakdown away. I cleaned my cheeks on her shoulder, apparently it didn't even bother her...it.
"What are you doing? Can't you see? I'm a piece of useless clod. I'm going to be a slave for the rest of my life... Shatter me! Please Shatter me!" I cried again. But a voice began to hum a familiar tune—"Stop it." It scolded;
"I am not going to shatter you." "Why not? Do it! I demand you!" I slam my hand on my gem, it stung like never before but I would never retreat back to my gem atleast. And if I had the chance to do so I will never come back— I prefer to stay in that blank space. "I will not take orders from you." She coldly replied to me, but I kept slapping my uncovered gem various times—"And stop hurting yourself, Peridot ,look at you!" She pulled me back to look at my eyes. Look at me? What? Look at myself? I don't want to... I'm afraid of monsters.