Bloom, Shifting

7.

7.

I used to love small towns

but since living in a city

and being around thousands of people

the compactness makes my skin crawl.

There is the boy who pulled my hair

long ago in kindergarten.

There is the old man

the one that tries to look up your skirt.

There is the bar that serves underage people

that everyone from school has always gone to.

But I am not nineteen yet,

so the hovel is my only choice.

It is full of everyone I never wanted to see again.

I almost walk out,

but the promises of being numb draws me to the bar.

With a drink in my hand

almost at my lips,

I see her,

feel my edges fraying.

She is turned away

mostly hidden by that stupid boy

who I now realize is so generic

it makes me want to bleed from my eyes.

Then she adjusts her stance,

the people around her leave:

the way she moves is different, I see it.

Stiff.

The glint on her left hand.

Our gazes clash,

she opens her mouth,

I down my drink.

Ava,

I hear her call as I push through the doors.

Please

just give me one second,

please.

Stopping,

I listen to her breath hang in the air.

My boots are soaked with snow.

What.

I've been meaning to call you,

She shifts in the snow.

I...well, I'm getting married.

Because of...

I turn around, motion to her,

to me.

Yeah.

She laughs,

and I hear how scared she is.

Are you happy?

I ask, tilting my face to the sky.

It has begun to snow again.

Ava,

I can't.

I don't want you, I snap.

You're not mine to want anymore,

and besides,

I have someone.

A girl.

A girl,

I nod.

Her name is Elliot.

She sighs,

runs her hands up and down her arms.

Are you happy?

Snow has caught in her hair,

her lashes,

and I suddenly remember Elliot,

Spinning in the snowy air.

It makes me feel like I've swallowed a warm stone

sliding down my throat

warming me.

I'm happy,

you should be too.

Penny looks desperate, shivers.

I can't,

not like you are.

I'll have a comfortable life,

it will be fine.

I shake my head,

feel snow slip into my collar.

Goodbye Pen.

Ava...

Goodbye.