Bloom, Shifting

16.

16.

the days have blurred

but suddenly there are warm hands

that smell of home

and it makes me want to gag

come, Ava

her voice is familiar

it is what soothed me

through fevers and flues

sung when I had a nightmare

it told me Penny was a

mistake

and asked if Elliot was a girl

and asked when I was leaving

Ava

sharply this time

hands tugging

tugging me out from beneath warm covers

I hit the cold floor

but she drags me to my feet

roughly and with purpose

I feel her nails digging into my skin

and I begin to cry

stop it

she hisses

stop

her eyes are cold

and the little bit of love

that had somehow held on

through Penny

and heartbreak

and misery

was gone

there was no room for loving me

not anymore

not a daughter who loved a girl

why

I whispered

why are you here

I called the school

who called your don

who gave me her number

Ma's eyes shoot to Elliot

who is standing, shaking

in her pajama shorts and droopy socks

my wooly cardigan

tears in her eyes

Ma has a tight grip on my wrist

we're leaving she says

shoves my limp arms into a coat that isn't mine

I can't believe I let this go on

she is talking to no one

to the people back home who care too much

to the pastor of her church