Disorder

1.

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I thought the most beautiful thing in the world must be the shadow, the million moving shapes and the cul-de-sacs of shadow. There was shadow in bureau drawers and closets and suitcases, and shadow under houses and trees and stones, and shadow at the back of people's eyes and smiles, and shadow, miles and miles and miles of it, on the night side of the earth -Sylvia Plath

I read to distract myself from my self inflicted pain. Sylvia Plath was my saviour, she understood what it was like to be in my mind. My life was simply a replica of her once misunderstood life, a life which the shadows and darkness had completely devoured and taken away a sister of mine.

An annoying buzzing of my phone tore me from my thoughts. As my eyes focused to the screen of my phone besides where my gaze had once laid, I say it was a message from Chastity, a friend who I only spoke through text with. Chastity and I am had been friends since our families were very close, at the beginning of our teenage years we despised eachother but soon enough became good friends. Chastity has lovely dyed caramel hair and has tanned skin to match it. Her dad is English and her mom is Latino which leaves her with perfect sun-kissed skin and a curvy, desirable figure. Her eyes were a nice blueish colour and from her Latino genes she inherited beautiful pick lips and cheekbones. I unlocked my phone as the curiosity of what she had said began to eat me.

"Can't wait to see you tomorrow!! If only we didn't have to reunite on the first day of school... Ugh.... By the way you'll meet my new play toy ;)" I read.

Chastity had not stopped talking about this "play toy" all summer. I had no idea what he looked like and had no interest in finding out. His name started with a vowel but I can't remember which one, I just referred to him as "play toy". Supposedly he had just moved from New York and has an desirable accent, cue the eyeroll. I'm not one for accents or looks but an interesting personality is what gets me, and I call myself a teenage girl, absurd. He was starting school with us and was going to be in our year. He was older than me by a year and older than Chastity by almost two which left me with a lot of questions. I began to type a reply into my phone and act as though I wasn't judging Chastity or her "play toy" from behind my screen.

"Can't wait!! School yay :/ play toy better be as perfect as what I've heard".

I instantly realised the time was nearly 10 pm as I examined the screen. Time for a restless sleep..... full of nightmares.

***

I was forcefully pulled out of the daylight into darkness. My heart began to hammer against my ribcage. I was completely unable to move, I wanted to run back to the shimmering daylight.

I felt a sharp pain radiate through my stomach and suddenly looked down to see blood as the darkness cleared.

I was sure it was my blood. I fell to the ground screaming and screaming. Everything began to fade back into darkness once again. I lost all hope or recovery.

Suddenly I felt my body being lifted from the ground in a comforting manner. I felt safe once again. As the daylight hit my face, I looked up to see my saviour. But to my dismay they were still covered in the faded darkness, all I could see was his or her shining green eyes.

I awoke in a standing position, which scared me even more. This nightmare was just as vivid as the rest I have experienced. I was not scared by the nightmare or even the realism of the dream. But I was scared by the comfort, the safety and hope those green eyes gave me. I actually felt a void within me become full once again in place of the emptiness that has controlled since I was 14 years old, nearly 3 years now.