Disorder

5.

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Arsen

Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye. -H. Jackson Brown, J

I drive hoping that this journey will never end. I know she probably doesn't feel that way but I can only hope that one day she will. I watch her out of the corner of my eye, her hair blowing from the open window, how she unconsciously mouths along to the lyrics of the David Bowie song that is playing. I can barely acknowledge the world around me when I'm near her. It's like she is my world. I wish I met her before Chastity but now I'm stuck in this situation. Completely and utterly lovesick with no way of getting relief. Love isn't meant to be easy, I know that. I just didn't expect love to sting and ache until it got its way. Obviously I have never been inlove before, not like I thought I was at the time. I was completely oblivious until I met her.

"What time does school end at?" I ask breaking the silence between us.

"About 4 o clock. Why do you ask?" Giselle's sweet voice asks. I can tell she's curious for my answer or nervous or both.

"Just incase we need to return to school grounds to get anything that you left behind"

"Oh. I thought you would want to get back to see Chastity" she says coldly. I bit my lip to stop a smirk from forming on my lips but miserably fail. I can tell she's jealous or irritated by the idea of Chas and I. Either consciously or unconsciously jealous, I still can't help but smile

"Nah. I'll see her tonight. She can survive a few hours without my presences"

"I noticed you too are pretty distant today" she states probably yearning for information.

"I know, she's been so pissed at me for even fucking breathing today." I huff to feed Giselle's ego.

"Do you know why?" She questions but I'm aware she knows the answer. Obviously it was my attention I was giving Giselle instead of Chastity. Chastity definitely noticed and must have felt someway threatened.

"I didn't want to kiss her this morning at her car, which must have fuelled her. But it's not like she thinks. I just don't enjoy PDA. For fuck sake!" Lies. All lies. Yes I don't enjoy PDA but I would enjoy anything with Giselle. I would simply oppress my ego to keep her happy.

"See there's your problem. I don't think you get it but she owns you. You have to keep her happy to get what you want." Explains Giselle. I know she's hinting towards sex but sex with Chastity isn't even as appealing as a kiss from Giselle.

"She doesn't own me! I don't want anything for her" I state, leaving my ego get in the way a little bit.

"Not even a relationship? A healthy relationship?" Giselle once again inquires, afraid of the answer.

"Meh"

"Meh? Seriously?" She exclaims at me in annoyance.

"I don't love Chas. I do care for her but love is so different from that. I don't want to hurt her but I would prefer it if we were just friends." I confess to someone finally. The truth feels so much better when it isn't just your problem anymore.

"You're an asshole Arsen!" She says a little louder but is not yet shouting. Fuck! I upset her. It hurts hearing words like that from her. They've never hurt before but from her... Ouch!

"Tell me about" I mumble.

"What?" Giselle asks in disbelief.

"I said, tell me about it"

"You're actually insane" Giselle giggles. Oh that sound now owns me along with Giselle.