I Was, I Am.

-SKYPE-

"Aditi beta; how are you?" It'd been quite some time since I'd last heard Jaya aunty's voice. When I thought of it closely; I realized it was back in Aakash's farewell.

"Aunty; I'm good. Is everything okay?"

"Of course!"

"Then..."I paused, "...how come you called?"

I was probably sounding rude to her, but I didn't have the patience to contain my worries. She'd never called me like this; except maybe once. It was back when Aakash had run away from home after our Twelfth Boards results were out and he'd screwed up big time.

For a CBSE board, 76% was a total screw up even back then.

Mum, Dad, Aunty and I had looked for him everywhere. Over time, even Disha and Arjun had joined the hunt with their parents; and he'd been found at last; outside our school building sipping the famous doodh chai(milk tea) of Roshan bhaiya. Roshan's was a small tea stall slash photocopy centre slash cyber cafe outside our school that was the safe haven for all seniors.

On more than one occasion, the four of us had skipped lunch to feast on the delicious samosas and vada pavs. Roshan bhaiya used to call them 'fat-free samosas' that he apparently made especially for me.

Yes, this was back when I was a sportsperson and watched my weight.

And yes, that guy was one big charmer meant for business.

"It's....it's Aakash's birthday today..." she stated softly. "...do you remember?"

"Of course I do aunty. But what happened? Is Aakash okay?"

Dev had now resorted to serving food on plates. My nostrils unconsciously detected the beautiful aroma to be that of a vegetable pulav. I even noticed how he'd retrieved three plates from the kitchen. I wanted to stop him; for I hadn't planned on staying for lunch; but found what aunty said way too distracting to focus on him.

"Yes-yes. I just...I'm not used to being alone today. I really miss Aakash."

This was not a side of her I had previously witnessed. Yes, she was an emotional lady who was not afraid of showing her emotions; a stark contrast to my mother; but she had never really confided in me alone. Which is why when she did; I felt this weird daughterly love for her; and felt like it were my responsibility to ensure she was okay.

"Why don't you call him up?" I suggested hopelessly; knowing full well that an ideal daughter would offer to drop by at her place in such a situation.

"I will. I was just hoping; if you don't mind; and if you don't have a problem; that you'd come over? Maybe for lunch?"

You know what I felt that instant?

Guilty. Terribly guilty.

I wanted to be there right next to her, because somewhere deep down inside I could totally feel her pain. No matter how much I denied; no matter how hard I tried to distract myself by visiting Dev and Mihir; I was missing Aakash way too much. This was the first time in the history of my existence that I was not shopping or decorating a place with Disha and Arjun for his birthday.

Aakash's birthday was on the first of January; which was a date where all the three of us had always been free. And it was the very day; that come what may, we three reunited at one of three's place.

This time however, things were pathetic.

And though I wanted to be by her side, I didn't want to step into that part of my past that I had only recently moved on from.