I Was, I Am.

-THE WALL-

A/N:

I don't know if any of you guys have noticed but all my chapters are named on the outlines on the events of the chapter. 

Same goes for this one; but now on; I was just hoping you guys will leave a comment as to what you think the reason behind the title of my chapters are. :)

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I want to move on. I swear I do; but why does every moment with Dev feeling like cheating on Aakash?

If he can be with Maya; I can be with Dev.

Why couldn't I tell Aakash about Dev?

"Aditi."

I looked up from my work to see Dev staring at me with concern.

"Is everything okay?" he asked.

No. I don't know what to feel anymore and my head hurts from all this thinking.

"Of course." I smiled.

Only I knew how I'd masked my confusions for this one month. I would kill to be with Dev at any point of the day; his presence seemed to calm my nerves. He reciprocated my feelings through and through; but not once did he offer to make things official after I dodged his question the previous time.

Does he even feel for me like that?

Of course he does! He couldn't possibly kiss me like that otherwise.

Right?

The more time passed, the more desperate I got to share my feelings with somebody. I wanted to get rid of this baggage that seemed to be with me all the time.

Mihir was summoned by his mother because she thought he was eligible for marriage.

My guesses were; another elaborate drama was going to take place in his life; and I'd felt horribly guilty for refusing to go with him even when he got down on his knees to beg. But I couldn't just pop into his hometown! He'd clearly mentioned how conservative it was; and who knows what his family would conclude about me and him?

Main issue though; what would I tell my Mother?

I'm going to Punjab to sabotage Mihir's wedding but I don't think of him that way.

Obviously not an option.

And his departure added to my miseries. I was officially left with nobody to confide in.

Ma wouldn't understand, Papa would overreact, Veronica was busy, Ishaan was too caught up, Disha was...out of reach( Yes, I still didn't call her.), and I wasn't ready for Dev to find out just yet.

"Well then...do you think you could stay for dinner?"

I looked up at the clock; realizing it was eight thirty in the evening. Dev and I had met up at his place to work on one of the new projects but I hadn't intended on staying for dinner.

"Um..." I fumbled; as he continued expectantly,

"I'll cook."

I took a big and nervous gulp; unsure of what to do. I wanted to stay; but there was guilt within me that stopped me too.

He should know that I still have feelings for Aakash right?

"Maybe some other time Dev..."

"Right. I'm sorry. I should've considered you'd have other plans-"

"-it's not that." I cut quickly and then shut my mouth again. How can I explain? Will he understand?

I don't want to lose him.