Girl of Gold «ᴢᴇʀʀɪᴇ»

10

You know what really sucks? It sucks when no matter how much you don’t want something to happen, it happens. No matter how much you know it’s not going to affect you, it does, and it leaves such an empty feeling in your stomach. Now this is my problem: This is making me feel good. I feel so giddy inside. I feel great. I feel like the only thing that can stop me now is rejection. Yeah, I bet you know what I’m talking about. What’s the worst thing about this is that Louis is right.

I have a crush on Perrie.

But it’s sure to pass, right? I just think she’s attractive, that’s all. I don’t have actual feelings for Perrie. This crush is going to pass soon, and everything will be fine. I just need to keep reminding myself that. I do not have feelings for Perrie Edwards. I just think she’s fit. I just think she has a pretty smile, a cute laugh, beautiful blonde hair, and don’t even get me started on her eyes—

What are you saying, Zayn? You hardly even know her!

I guess I don’t have to worry. This is going to pass. These “feelings” of mine will pass. They’ll be gone soon enough. I’m pretty sure it’s just infatuation, and that I will see the light and snap out of this daze. This is not real. I don’t like Perrie. I don’t like Perrie. I don’t like Perrie.

I don’t like Perrie.

There! That wasn’t so hard, was it? I can go on and enjoy myself. I am not infatuated with some random girl, and I am just fine.

…Right?

Oh well. I guess I’ll just go hang out with the guys today.

✘✘✘

Neither of us were really doing anything. We were alone in a café (since Harry’s boss let us), doing absolutely nothing. The five of us were just sitting around the bakery, making complete fools out of ourselves. It still felt weird to me. It still felt weird to be you around others. It still felt weird to be with people you like. It still felt weird to be with people in general.

It still felt weird to have friends.

But it still felt nice.

I may not have had many friends. I may have kept to myself most (or all) of the time. Sometimes I would wonder how really lonely I was. I don’t feel very lonely now. But even with Louis, Liam, Niall, and Harry, I still feel like I’m missing something.

I feel like I’m missing someone.

I just need to find out who that person it. Who is she? Why isn’t she here? Why isn’t she making me feel any better?

I shouldn’t be thinking about this right now. I should be having a good time with my friends. Yeah. That’s what I’ll do.

“Hey,” Louis announced. “What if were made a video of us, uh, working in a movie-making business?”

“I’d be the studio executive,” Niall said, smiling proudly. I laughed. “So would I!” Louis exclaimed. Niall and Louis high-fived and looked at us. “What about you guys?” Louis asked. “I’d probably be the choreographer,” Liam said with a chuckle. “Zayn can be the sexy assistant!” Louis exclaimed. I gasped. “No!” I exclaimed. “Yes!” they said. “You’d make a good-looking girl, Zayn,” Liam nodded. “Oh, my God,” I sighed.

Harry furrowed his eyebrows, and I could tell he was thinking about it. “I don’t know…” Harry said. “Maybe I’ll be, like, the marketing guy or something. You know, like, style up my hair and wear really nerdy clothes, and—ooh! And glasses, too!” Niall laughed out loud. “Ha!” he exclaimed, nudging Harry slightly. “Like you could cover up all your tattoos!”