I was a Mistake

Accidents Happen?

Gram stayed for two weeks. Other than when we were sleeping, I didn't leave her side. She seemed to realize that I needed her for comfort and didn't have a problem with me under her feet at all times. She was my protection from the twins and Mommy, and she even seemed to enjoy my company.

Gabriel and Gabriella liked making life hard for me. It was fun for them to find ways to get me frustrated or in trouble.

Their favorite form of entertainment was to throw all of my toys around the living room.

When my mommy walked in and tripped on one of my Barbies, the look she sent my way had been enough to make me shake uncontrollably. She yanked me up by the arm and took me to my room so Gram couldn't see. She pulled her favorite belt off and whipped me until my back was numb. The words she spewed at me hurt the most.

She insisted, "You were a mistake and I don't want you anymore." When she left me, I stayed on my bedroom floor crying until Gram came in with an ice pack. She whispered how much she loved me and enjoyed my company.

The next day, Gabriel took a marker to my favorite baby doll and Gabriella ripped my blanket I had missed so much all those nights alone. They brought my ruined possessions to me in the living room with huge smiles on their chubby faces, while momma sat watching tv.

I remember whimpering and holding my favorite toys to my chest, but not crying because I knew better than to do it in front of Momma. Momma still yelled at me for not taking better care of my things and promised to give the twins a cookie for being honest.

Gram witnessed the whole thing. She beckoned me into her room and sewed the blanket for me. She tried to clean my baby, but the marker was permanent. I hugged her leg, silently thanking her.

Gram picked me up and held me tight. She whispered to me, "Joy baby, you used to be such a happy girl. I wish you'd talk to me."

I wanted so badly to speak to my grandma, but I was afraid. I was scared what Mommy would do if she heard, I was scared that if I told Gram, she'd blame me too, and I was scared my voice wouldn't work anymore, so I kept quiet. Instead, I put my head on her shoulder and my hand on her neck, wondering how I'd survive when Gram left in the morning.

I helped Gram pack and helped her brush her hair after she bathed. She had beautiful hair, just like Momma, and I lovingly combed my fingers through it. I watched her take a handful of medicine, her face morphing into a grimace before she gave me her sweet smile.

Gram offered to bathe me but Momma refused, saying it was our time to bond. I thought Momma was trying to hide my boo-boos and didn't really want to bathe me after all. She proved me right when bath time turned into another quiet beating.

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The morning Gram was to leave, I jumped out of bed to greet her. Before I got to my grandmother, though, the twins grabbed me and dragged me into the playroom, their fat fingers wrapped around my hair.

"Gabby, it seems Eden thinks she's the favorite child doesn't it?" Gabriel said to his sister, who nodded enthusiastically. "I think we need to show her she's wrong!"

Gabriel sat on top of me right on my belly and I quickly lost my ability to breathe. He was a lot bigger than me at seven, and his belly always protruded from his shirts. I struggled, lightly patting his back to tell him it was too much, too painful.

"Get her, Gabe!" Gabriella wasn't much different in size and she aided Gabriel by holding down my arms and legs with heavy books. Their laughter filled the room in cackles that sounded evil to my ears. I gasped and sputtered as quietly as I could, begging for someone to hear me and take my siblings off of me.