Between Survival & Giving Up

Never Can Say Goodbye

Brandon's POV

Today, was the next worst day of my life. Ciara the girl I love moved it was so sudden it was like literally yesterday I told her I loved her and she said she loved me and we shared our first kiss. Then that night reality slapped me hard, realizing I may not see her again I went into a grave phase of darkness my life was miserable without her. I didn't know how much she meant to me before she moved, and now she's gone I have no one to really know how I feel to look in my eyes and tell when I'm lying or even help me when I'm injured. She was a great person, personality was beautiful, smile was perfect and her laugh was just so wow. I wish I could just see her again one day and just take her away and we could spend the day together laughing, holding each other, and kiss. I love her so much, but she's gone, I couldn't function in school my friends told me I was acting like a "bitch", but I didn't care I just wanted her. Without her nothing is the same, I haven't had a real smile in what feels like forever, but luckily me and her have been able to still talk over video chat. Every time we talk about hows school's going with each other she starts crying, and says how the guys take advantage of her beauty and hurt her. I wanna go up to her school and shot those kids, a guy should never put their hands on a girl, and when she said that a guy she began to like pushed her into an open locker my eyes became red, and I was furious. She saw this, and got scared she never saw that side of me, so I'm sure it scared her, because she hang up on me and said she'll leave me alone. I tried to convince her that it wasn't her I was mad at, but instead the guy who put his hands on her. I find myself wishing for her to come back all the time at night, and I remember all the things I never got to say, because I was too scared she wouldn't feel the same. I know now that the only thing keeping me from being with her was in fact myself. I could've had her, but I was too scared that I would just disgust her or make her uncomfortable like I normally make others. Although, she has told me plenty of times that I shouldn't let others define me, or worry about what others think.

At night I have dreams of her, and last nights dream was beautiful.

It was a surprisingly warm autumn night in October, and I was walking in the mall with some friends when I saw a familiar face across the floor. I slowly walked over for a closer look, but the girl kept her head hidden behind her friends surrounding her. When I got over there I saw her. It was Ciara, and she looked even more beautiful than I had remembered her. I stopped and stared for awhile taking in her beauty, she was wearing a burgundy red jacket, with tan skinny jeans and honey brown knee high boots. Her hair was put in a low side ponytail that hanged on her right shoulder. I finally stopped staring at how everything held her, and asked her to come with me. She looked up and nodded, I took her hand and lead her away from the crowds, out the mall and to my car. I opened the door for her, and closed it running to my side. I then got in and told her that she looked nice, and that I missed her. She just blushed and said the same back, and I noticed that she still hides her smile along with her blush. Even though it may have been months since I last saw her I couldn't help it my instincts kicked in, and I held her chin up with my fingers and leaned in kissing her lightly. However, this was different she didn't kiss back she pushed away and began crying. I felt my heart drop as if I did something terribly wrong, and I remember how she said all the times she has been hurt at the other school she had gone to, and doesn't feel she can trust anyone anymore. I remember how scared she sounded when she told of those punk guys messing with her, they hurt her bad. Everything flashes forward, and she's in my living room laying against me laughing, and I'm smiling down at her rubbing her stomach kissing her forehead, that's when I notice the bump.

She is pregnant
with my child.

The dream fades and I wake with a huge smile on my face, but then fades when I remember she still hasn't moved back over here. That is if she ever does move back here.