Gansey couldn't stop the feeling that something was wrong. It was as though something was carving a hole in his stomach and filling the empty space with anxiety. The feeling made him shake but the girl standing in the doorway seemed to steady him. He watched her with longful eyes, hoping she'd take some sort of pity on him and come closer.
Blue's black tights were torn in multiple spots, clearly done with reckless purpose, and the cascading layers of her blue dress fell like waves to her knees. Blue was an ocean and he was drowning in her. He wanted to run to her, and just hold her, to shake the feeling that his world was crumbling around him.
She came to him when his feet couldn't find the ability to move. She moved almost ghost-like across the massive room, which seemed like a metal tomb today. He opened his mouth to call out her name but got only a pathetic, gasped "Blue." She didn't seem to hear him; she just kept walking towards him.
Then she was there, in front of him, so close he could kiss her-- if he only could.
"Kiss me, Gansey," Blue said, in a breezy whisper.
"I can't," Gansey mumbled. He wasn't ready to give up on life yet. It was just a kiss-- he loved Blue but he didn't need a kiss to declare that.
"It doesn't count if you kiss me."
"It doesn't work like that, Jane."
"We don't know how it works." She sounded angry and furious, but he couldn't tell if it was with him or the world. They were both so cruel to her. He admitted he'd been avoiding her lately. It was too hard to be so close to her.
He lifted his hand, intertwining his fingers with her hair, brushing along her ear.
But it felt wrong. It felt-- wet.
"Blue?" His jerked his hand back, to find it covered with blood, the darkest he'd ever seen it. His other hand was identical, soaked in black blood. "Blue, oh G--"
"It's not mine," Blue said. Her eyes traveled past him, focused on what lay over his shoulder. He turned around. "It's theirs."
Their throats were cut in clean lines, and the trio of lay lines were carved into their chests like twisted signatures.
"You did it, Gansey."
Ronan's head was rolled towards Adam's body, and Gansey knew that Adam was the last thing Ronan had seen. Adam's hand was pressed against the gap between his collarbones, as if he were reaching for the line across his neck.
Gansey wanted to deny it but he realized it wasn't anxiety eating him alive-- it was guilt.
His two best friends, dead, because of some pointless quest. It was-- it seemed so pointless when paired with their lifeless bodies. If only someone had told him this was how it ended-- he never would have started!
"I just don't want to end up like them."
Gansey spun back as Blue let out a scream of pain.
"Blue!"
Cabeswater drew three arcs across Blue's shattered face.
***
"Gansey!"
He could barely make out Ronan's shape through the tears in his eyes. He didn't bother to swipe them away or try to stop them. He was crying. He, Richard Campbell Gansey III, was crying because he had only made everything worse. He hadn't led them to safety or to glory or to any sort of excelsior. He'd failed Glyndwr, Helen, Adam, Ronan, Blue, Everyone-Who-Had-Ever-Mattered.
"I'm so sorry," Gansey said.
"Gansey, what the hell are you talking about?"
He rolled onto his side, tugging the pillow under his head around so he could bury his face in it. He pressed his face into the darkness, and tried to ignore Ronan shaking his shoulder and demanding Gansey's attention.
"I'm going to kill you. I'm going to kill you all," Gansey cried out, biting his bottom lip.
"Gansey, we're all fine. We can call Parrish and your girlfriend if that's what you need." There was a long pause. "You're scaring me."
When Gansey didn't move, he felt Ronan's presence disappear from his side.
He focused on the silence of Monmouth to shake the images of his friends' mutilated bodies from his mind. But they refused to go.
"Gansey." It was no longer Ronan's expectant voice but Adam's characteristic Southern patience. "Gansey, why were you screaming?"
"Because my nightmares are becoming reality," Gansey said, tugging the pillow away from his mouth. "My screams are justified; ask Ronan."
"Don't do this, Gansey," Adam said, clearly interjecting to cut off any retort of Ronan. "Don't torture yourself over whatever's in your mind."
"I never wanted anyone to die for this."
"Everyone is safe, Gansey."
But the search wasn't over. They hadn't found Glyndwr yet. They hadn't figure out Cabeswater or the lay lines yet. They were far from done.
And far from safe.
