AFTERLIVES. bucky barnes

"I have so much left to say to you"

My dearest, Jamie,
I am deeply sorry about Steve. I don't know if I believe in Heaven. The Lord knows my abuela did, and maybe that's the reason I never decided to, but maybe I'm going to decide to believe now. And, if I believe now, in this afterlife, it means that you're back with Steve. And Will. And Charlotte. And their families. And your families, too, and maybe that means I'll see you again.
But maybe I don't even believe you're gone. Maybe I don't have to make this decision about afterlives and the people I think you're going to reunite with, because maybe I have decided that you're not dead at all. All that I do know is that you're not here. How dare you leave? How dare you make it so I have nowhere to send these letters? Nobody to reach out for.
     I have so much left to say to you. I don't even know where to begin. Is it awful that I find myself wanting to give you a eulogy? To actually have a chance to say goodbye, or at least say something more than what I've already said. Are you still here, then, if I keep talking to you? If I keep reaching out? I don't know. Seems like I don't know anything at all.
You would know. Te amo. Did you know that? Did you know that I love you? I wish I told you more. I hope that you come back and tell me, too.
Your memorial service is happening with Steve and Charlotte's. It's just too much loss to commemorate three times over. It's will be at St. Augustine. Rebecca's organized everything, for when Eloise comes home. We're adding Charlotte's name to the headstone with Grace and Will, and Rebecca is adding your name (and Steve's) to your family plot. Not at St. Augustine, obviously, but the three of us can't do more services. I think Rebecca'll have a special one with your massive family, that I never got to know (and I wish I did), when she settles back in Shelbyville. Eloise and I'll stay in Brooklyn. You ought to come. Please come. Please be around. Please, James. I have so much more to say. Let me repeat it all back to you a hundred times in a dozen different languages. I love you. Te amo. Je t'aime. Σε αγαπώ. 我爱你. I do, James. I do love you.
Yours still,
Teresa.