W e a k n e s s [Peterick AU] - #Wattys2016

#31- T e a r s

[This might be boring and repetitive, so I'm sorry. But I wrote the first part while listening to G.I.N.A.S.F.S. and I just]

Pete's POV

"He's extremely weak and we gave him some painkillers, so he might be asleep", the doctor warned me as I strode into the small cold room. There he was, my poor little Trick. Hesitantly stepping towards the bed, I then sat on one of the chairs beside it.

"I'll leave you alone", the doctor whispered before I nodded in response, trying to hold the tears as I stared at Patrick's limp, fragile body. It was terrible; he didn't even look like Patrick, it was... terrible. What I couldn't get my eyes off was a needle plugged to the boy's pale arm and all those plasters on his scratched face. It tore me up to see him in those conditions: his perfect features were damped by scars, dark bruises and any kind of pain. The only person I had refused to kill was now laying on a hospital bed, and it was all my fault. I should had been more careful; I perfectly knew we weren't safe, but eventually ignored that for too long. Yes, I was sure Fredericks had a hand in it. And I had been so stupid to shrug it off and keep hanging out with Patrick during the night. 

Also, this was the proof that someone had been watching us... someone. It could be the same perso who had smashed against Patrick's car. This time I would really find that fucking someone and rip his head off. I sighed as my anger was drowned by sad thoughts, anxiety, guilt, concern, sympathy. 

"What now?", I whispered to the unconscious boy in front of me, as if he could hear me "I don't know what to say... I'm just so sorry. Thank God you're still alive"

I wished I could make all the words come out, but everytime I opened my mouth I closed it soon after.

"You must have suffered a lot. I hope you'll still be able to remember me at least, once you wake up... no. Actually, It'd prefer to be like invisible, forgotten, rather than being remembered... and this proves that I'm a coward, exactly like Gerard and the others. I don't deserve to have such a good friend... there's always this this oppressive thought in my mind that I'm not good enough. And that's true. Sadly don't think you can change that, I'll keep hating what I actually am: the dumb, pathetic liar Pete Wentz. You don't know, Patrick, you don't know anything about me. Maybe that's better... for now. I have to confess a thing... yes, I want to do it right now. It doesn't really matter if you can hear me or not. Well, you see, two nights ago I was about to die. I tried to kill myself. I wanted you to forget me, because I perfectly know I'm not the one who's really supposed to save you. You'll find someone better than me. I'm just... a fucked up guy who has gone through your same problems. And nothing else. In the end, I'm your ruin, I'm your ruin and you can't see it, dammit! ... But at the same time... I thought about the time when you told me about your attempted suicide, and I suddenly knew I was doing the wrong thing. You still need me, and I still need you. I don't want you to forget me like this, I want you to say goodbye after realizing who I really am; yes, it'll hurt, and you'll hate me; you'll hate me like nobody else. But I'll stay until you find out... shit, you're practically my life and this is the only thing you get from me?"

I sighed nervously, my self esteem at its lowest.  

"Everything- my life, my world, my future, my destiny... it all turns around you now. I've never been so attached to a person before, and it's the very first time I sense a different feeling; something that warms your heart, something that is one word but a million sensations... an illusion, something that makes you feel less worthless. And that thing is called love. You made me feel this for the first time in my life and, deep down, I'm grateful. I'm so damn addicted to the way I feel when I think of you" 

I took his small, cold hand and shivered glancing at it.

"I promise I'll fix all this mess; I'll help you through everything in any possible way and protect you from now on, even if there's no one else with you. I swear to my own life I'll find who hurt you and I assure you I'm not gonna let them get away with this"

Stop pretending to be strong enough to hold your tears, I said to myself all of sudden. Squeezing his hand tighter, I felt the corner of my eyes burn as I whispered: "I'm in love with my weakness... I'm in love with you, Patrick, and I just want you to be safe, this mess is going on for too long... I just can't help it but be scared about the future... I am so scared" 

A tear finally slipped from my eyes as I buried my head in the bed sheets that now smelled like Patrick and felt like home; the room filled with silence, my hands placed on his cheeks as I brought my lips close to his own and left a soft kiss on them. I stayed there and let other tears fall, before lowering my gaze.

"Pete?", a surprisingly familiar voice broke the silence. My head shot back up as a sleepy, weak Patrick scanned me. I suddenly forgot how to speak, but sometimes you don't need words to express what you feel. The most spontaneous, instinctive thing I did was hold his head in my lap, as I started sobbing like crazy.

"I've been worried sick", I managed to stutter out.

I felt him sniffle and shake as I soothed him: "It's gonna be okay, babe, I'm here now"

"It's been terrible", he replied.

"I know, I know, but the important thing is you're alive. Oh, God, Patrick, don't ever leave me aga-"

"I love you so much", he cut me off, connecting my lips to mine. Short but sweet, a series of kisses wet of tears followed soon later as I muttered "I love you, too", still holding him tight. He ran his fingers through my head as he moaned, wearily. 

After about five minutes of cuddles, I still could feel tears stain my cheeks. Then, all of sudden, Patrick winced, his face contorted in pain.

"Oh, no! Did I hurt you?", I asked worried as I brushed a sleeve across my face.

"No, no, it's just... my ribs fucking hurt right now. I think painkillers effect is over"

"Do you want me to call a doctor?"

"... Nah, they'll come themselves sooner or later", he giggled softly as he brought a hand to his chest "Pete, you look like you haven't slept tonight"

"In fact I haven't. We both should get some rest, huh?"

"Yeah, I think so"

"Good. Oh, and when you wake up, Brendon might come to see you"

I saw his expression go blank as he stayed still.

"Trick?"

"I... sorry... I just don't remember who Brendon is"

My body paralyzed; I had almost forgotten about his eventual memory issues.

"I mean", he explained "I know this name, I just... can't connect it to a specific person right now"

I sighed: "I'm sure you'll remember who Brendon is as soon as you see him. It's impossible to forget that guy, trust me. Now get some sleep, you need it"

"Thank you. For staying, for being here, for existing", a genuine smile formed on his face as soon as he let out those words.

"Anything for you", was the only thing I could say. I planted a couple kisses on his pale chubby face, being careful not to touch his plasters, and closed the door after wishing him a good nap.

*Author's Note*

Wuuuhuhuh this is too short so maybe another update soon?? 

Idk if I actually can tho because I'm going on a little school trip in a few days ((WOHOO IM EXCITED YAY)) and I have no clue if a new chapter can be ready before this trip :/ um don't know I'll see

Then again I have this bad sensation that my writing isn't okay. Sorry lmao I can be really boring with this shit ik XD but there's like a suuuper little voice in my head that sometimes comes back and says "woah study more grammar and english vocabulary buddy" but aNYWAY WHATEVER

Uh, now... one thing that could turn out a little more interesting: I'm gonna end this book soon, I think. Something like 6/7 chapters left and... tadaaa. I feel so empty already ugh hELP :(

Dreammaker_222