the things i try my hardest to hide but here it is anyway

Uncontrollable

I shouted and pleaded, yet nothing came to its senses. There was no glimmer of hope, no point in fighting anymore. It's been an eternity, trying to escape from this hellhole. Countless times had I found a way to escape, but fate somehow always found its way around to oppose me.

I wondered. I'm not going to survive much longer. There's no food, no water. All I had were the useless voices in my head. It's going to be all over soon.

Although death never took its toll. The voices grew louder by the second, screeching so loud I could almost swear my insides were burning. My body, so weak it seemed as if my cells were so deprived of energy they fed on other cells.

Inescapable calamity. This was my fate. Am I deserving of this? Alas, I have no say in that.

A sliver of light peeked through the void. The door that wouldn't budge despite any of my thousand attempts was ajar. The call for freedom screamed at me, louder than the deafening voices that were clawing through my head. They heaved for freedom more than anything.

The light started to seep in, slowly, but surely. The door was then fully open. The one thing I had hoped for, even dreamed of, right in front of me. Escape. Freedom. Happiness.

It was there. Right. There. I could leave this interminable world. But I knew I couldn't.

Every muscle, every nerve in my body felt like it had been robbed of any sort of movement. There was not even a slight hope that even a single atom had even a drop of energy left. Excruciating pain trickled through my body, almost as if I were being burnt alive and crushed by concrete at the same time.

I wanted to scream. To let out all of my pain. To show any sign, any reassurance that I was still alive. But I couldn't. The only thing that helped me regain even the slightest bit of sanity was that the voices finally went away.

But they didn't.

There they were. They were free. They stood there, looking down on me like I was their little science experiment. The pain didn't go away, not by a long shot. My hearing and sight impaired, worn out by all the pain. But what I could hear was them laughing.

Maniacal, malevolent laughter, ringing through the void, echoing endlessly.

Oh god. What have I done?

I tried everything. Everything I could to keep myself in check. I tried with every last bit of sanity I had left to keep them contained, concealed, and shut out from the light. But the need for survival deluded me. I was so desperate for freedom that I didn't stop to think, what if I lose myself?

That is exactly what happened.

The voices in my head turned into demons. They turned into reflections of me that I'd never thought possible. Not until today.

Unhinged. Deranged. Delirious.

I knew if I wasn't careful, this fate was sure to be sealed sooner or later.

That was what I am. What I was afraid to be.

That is what I am. What I no longer have the choice to be.