the things i try my hardest to hide but here it is anyway

drowning

you remind me so much of the ocean
gentle, but sometimes menacing
calm to few, but a threat to many
interesting, yet dull
but with no doubt, just as beautiful

a masterpiece
a blessing
and most certainly my blessing

but much to my sorrows
i am as scared of you as i am the ocean
scared to dive in deep, only to drown in vain
scared to find out about its mysteries, only to be left in regret
scared to even go near to in fear it'd hurt me

but with that, comes the positives
tranquility comes in waves
and you have helped me maintain composure
ive been able to see the world in a new light
and to realise
not everything is as it seems

but paradoxically
loving you is as hard
as wanting to dive in
knowing all the dangers
awaiting me

missing you comes in waves
and tonight i am drowning

there is a whole paradox within you
within me
and within me loving you.

but
maybe i never did. or maybe i always did.