You Can't Help Me, No One Can

Chapter 5~ Were In Love?

Chapter 5

~Past~

                Kim looked out the window and saw her reflection glaring back at her with the night sky as a background. Nothing about her made her happy, nor did it make him happy. That was what she needed to change, she needed to be a better person and he could make her that. That was all he was trying to do for her. She would quit her job and do her womanly duties like he wanted. She’d clean, cook, and do her job without the interference of wanting to be independent, of wanting to be what a man is suppose to be.  Her love for him was worth giving up her love for herself.

                She crawled back in bed with him a few moments later and curled back into her nook in his arms. After quickly falling asleep, she was swept into dreams of marriage and children. She was absorbed with thoughts of what her life could be with Marcus. After making the changes he needed from her they could be happy. She dreamed of her favorite date with Marcus.

                Marcus and Kim had been dating for about 7 months. They were going out on a date tonight and she couldn’t wait. Make up was perfect, hair was perfect, and he would be here to pick her up from her little condo soon. As she was changing into her little yellow dress with thin straps and a diagonal cut on the bottom with a slight slit on the side, she received a text from Marcus. He was asking her to meet him out front as soon as she was ready. She threw on her little flip flops and went running towards where he stood.

                When she walked out the doors, the sun was setting and Marcus stood there. His blue eyes sparkling in the sun set and his blond hair shinned like gold. He wore a light white shirt with khaki dress pants. By his side sat a gorgeous puppy, a little King Charles spaniel. Once she was out the door the puppy ran at her, she knelt down to meet the dog as it leaped in her arms.

                “Marcus he is adorable, I didn’t know you wanted a dog!” She exclaimed as the dog licked her face.

                He came over and crouched down next to her and pets the puppy’s head while she held it n her arms. “It isn’t for me, it is for you Kimmy.”

                She sat the puppy down and watched it lick her toes. “Baby you know I can’t keep dogs in my apartment, it is against the rules.”

                “Well the puppy has a solution to that babe, look at his collar.” She turned to collar and there hanging on it was a key and a name tag that read “Move in with me?”

                “Well Kim? Do you want to move in with me? I know your lease is coming up soon and I think it’s the perfect time.” He took her hands and they stood up, “I love you with everything I have and I think it is time to move in together. You just lost your job so this way you don’t have to worry about money, I’ll take care of you. So Kim please move in with me.”

 She looked him in the eyes and knew he meant what he said. “Of course Marcus, of course Beau and I will move in with you.” She leapt up into a hug and he spun her around.

                “Wait, who is beau,” he asked as a smile crept across his face.

                “The puppy silly and she kissed him on the lips.

                The rest of the night they spent at the beach running with Beau. It was the best memory Kim could remember with Marcus, and it was the night she knew she loved him.

~Present~

                Sharron and I agreed that she would come to me. Well more of she informed me of this is how it would work. The next morning when I woke up she was sitting in the living room waiting for me.

                “Good morning sleepyhead,” she said as she laid the magazine down that she was reading and gestured for me to take a seat.

                “Hi,” I said. It still didn’t feel like a good morning to me because there was no Marcus with me.

                “So I wanted you to tell me about Marcus today, but before you start I want to hear a specific time in your relationship that Marcus hurt you, a moment you felt truly angry at him. Can you think of one?” she asked, and I could. I knew the exact moment I would tell her.

                “He gave me what he told me was a present,” I started; she just leaned back and waited for the story to begin. So I continued. “I had just quit my job for him, and so he said we were going on a long trip. He took me to the outer banks. It was giant house a little off the beach he had rented for us for a month. From the house you could walk to either the beach or the bay side. He still had to work, so we’d spend the day on the beach together and then in the evenings he would go to the coffee place and work. He was a website designer so it was easy for him to do while we were away. When he was at work I’d take a chair over to the bay side and write in my journal until the sun set. Then I’d just sit and watch the water for hours. By the time I got back he would be up in the bedroom watching tv, ready for me to crawl into the nook in his arms and fall asleep.

                “One night it was too windy to sit on the bay so I went back to the house, the sun had just set. I walked in and sitting on the counter was Marcus’s laptop, wide open with a web page pulled up. It was for a strip club right down the street. I knew then that he wasn’t working, he couldn’t be. I couldn’t lie to myself any more. So I sat in the living room, watching the door, and waited for him to emerge.

                “He came in an hour or two later, his hair was messed up and he had lipstick on his checks. He saw me and acted as if nothing was wrong he just smiled and walked up stairs to the bed room. I followed him up.

                “I asked him where he went and he still lied and said he was working. I called him out on his lies saying he couldn’t work without his laptop which was on the counter, and I don’t know how he would have gotten lipstick on his face at work. He blew up.

                “He told me he was a man and had needs, if I wasn’t going to appease those needs then he would allow someone else to. If I couldn’t do everything a woman was supposed to then he would outsource. I cried and told him I wanted to be everything, I wanted to do it all. He got angry at me and slapped me. Then he told me if I wanted to do all my duties then he would make me. He shoved me on the bed, laid on top of me and…” I started to cry. I burst into tears. That was the only night I had ever wanted to leave him, to run from him, the only night I was convinced he didn’t really love me. That last thing I wanted to do was relive it.

                “Did he have his way with you?” Sharron asked.

I nodded

“Were you unwilling?”

I nodded.

She moved to sit next to me, “see this, he abused you, physical, mentally and sexually. Someone who loves you would never abuse you, and definitely not in all 3 ways. Marcus didn’t love you.”

                And I knew she was right, at least on that night. He didn’t love me.