Not So Dear Diary

The Struggle

Journal entry #4

Have you ever felt like life was dragging on? Like everything was in a slow motion but no matter what you did, you could never catch up? Or the sluggish sensation of sinking deeper in the ocean of your thoughts and mind?

Words can't even begin to describe how depression is like, but I can sure try. Today was supposed to be normal, like the day before it, but my new normal included the dark thoughts invading my mind. Normally, I at least try to pay attention and learn something in school, but I can't recall anything. I just remember sitting there in silence.

Madelynn tried to cheer me up, but she knew well enough to leave me alone. When I get this mood, it takes a lot of work to get out of it. So at lunch I snuck off to the library and curled up in a dark corner. I fell asleep and missed the rest of my classes, but that was okay since I would be non-responsive to my teachers and the rest of the class.

It is pretty pathetic when even the sight of sunlight can make my depression worse. When school was over, Madelynn took me home with her and just tried to get through to me and make me feel like I'm not alone. But that's pretty hard to do, especially if its like the other person is at the bottom of a deep dark well. Sometimes her words reach me and help me to snap out of it, but most of the time I have to come to terms with it and fix myself. Its not easily but I've never lost myself to the darkness before.

I can remember it partially but after a bit, my child persona came out and broke down crying since I was so sad. Madelynn was there and tried to comfort her, saying something like "Cici, calm down. She's going to be okay, you're all going to be okay. I promise, I'm here for you, sweet girl."

After crying on her shoulder for a bit, I slowly came to my senses. Slowly, but surely I was returning to the surface. I don't know how long it would take to recover from my sudden burst of depression, but I was going to be just fine.

After that, I stayed over at her house and we watched a movie. It was my favorite Disney one, and we had popcorn and candy to go with it. Then we stayed up doing each other's hair, just because it felt soothing and talked for hours. I may not have dozens of friends or be popular, but this one really good friend was all I needed.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A/N: Yay! Its at 456 words now. I feel like I was able to write this better as well, maybe its because I could emphasize with her and those feelings. Well, oops. I hope that doesn't trigger anything bad for anyone. Thanks for reading and I'm sorry for not updating til now! ~ Stormy-Heart