Not So Dear Diary

Best friends

Journal entry #7

A few days after my whole episode with the Counselor, my best friends were giving me the third degree and asked me way too many annoying questions. Usually, they leave me alone and don't try to act like my Counselor. But this time they got really worried about me, the reality finally sunk in that I have a problem.

They confronted me directly and made me tell them exactly what was wrong. Before, they didn't ask too many questions about my mental problems, just left it be because that was what I wanted. But now, they weren't going to cave into my wish of keeping it personal or secret. As they mentioned, it was no longer just my problem, it was their's as well and they wanted to do everything they could to help me.

So I explained to them the truth of the situation, that I had off and on depression and maybe more. As of right now, the psychiatrists only recognized the depressive and suicidal state. Knowing me, there's probably more to it than just depression, but since I'm a tough nut to crack, there's only one label for me.

I told them that depression can't be controlled, and that while they could try to cheer me up, it might not work all the time. Sometimes there's not a specific reason for my sadness, but for other times, there was a trigger of some sort.

They then did the group hug thing and tackled me. Which was nice and made me smile a bit, even though I don't usually like being touched.

It was a strange sensation for my close friends to be the one's asking the questions and getting all worried. But it wasn't all that bad. It was just their way of showing that they care for me and are there for me.

Besides the mushy group hug and being confronted by them, we hung out today at my house. They brought some of my favorite snacks and candy, then we watched a bunch of movies together and played games.

And today, I finally realized something important. It doesn't matter how many friends you have, the close ones are the ones that count the most. They'll be there through the good and bad times and will never give up on you.

When I was in a really dark place before, I used to think that I would prefer to be by myself, that I didn't need anyone else and that friends were worthless. They could betray you so who else should you trust and rely on except yourself. I can't believe I was that depressed that I thought something like that.

Without any friends, you are stuck in a lonely world called me, myself and I. All joking aside, it can be pretty desolate in the darkness of your mind, with no light of happiness or smiles.

I am so thankful for my friends, even if I don't say it much to them. They mean so much to me, even though I completely hid my depression and what was wrong with me.

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A/N: I am really frustrated that I couldn't write more than the last time, but oh well. I felt like this was it. I mean, I had more paragraphs than the other time, they are just shorter. So, here's the update and hope y'all like it. Sorry it took me so long.

~ Stormy-Heart