Not So Dear Diary

Counselor

Journal entry #6

Today, because my mother was worried about me after my latest outburst of depression, I had to meet with my counselor after school was over. I really wasn't looking forward to it or all her annoying questions. For sure, she is going to ask if there was a specific reason behind my sudden sadness and how it consumed my time or life. Once, she had made an illustration and said that depression is like a parasite that feeds off your life, soul and feelings.

As always, I would answer that it happened randomly, that I didn't know why I felt that depth of sadness. I know, teenagers are usually over stressed from too much homework, lack of sleep and major projects or tests. But if stress contributed to my depression, it was a very small percentage that it did. But today, she instead first asked me about my journal. She asked some questions like How often have you been writing in it? Or Do you feel like writing your feelings out is helping you deal with your disorders? Or even Does it help you recover faster from depression, if you write all the dark feelings in a journal no one is allowed to read?

It was a hard question to answer because in a way, it tells her what kind of things I've been writing and the whole point of it was to be not read by anyone. She better not be thinking that she doesn't count just because she's my counselor. But I answered vaguely enough that she seemed satisfied and stopped focusing on the journal. Honestly, it made me nervous because then she could ask deeper questions, the ones not related to the journal.

Those questions should never be answered. I mean, who wants to talk about why they got depressed in the first place? Or even about the origin of your personality disorder or any other mental illness. No one wants to play the blame game or tell the truth behind it all. That's why they thought I need counseling in the first place.

As you can tell, after a while of those needless questions, I drifted off into a dream like haze and only snapped out of it when it was finally time to go home. She seemed disappointed as always that I wasn't paying attention, but she shook her head and gave me some final advice about writing in my journal. She mentioned that I should write in it every day if I want to feel better or understand my other personas.

My dad picked me up for a change and we went to go get ice cream. He never questioned me or tried to fix me like mom did, but he was just there when I needed him the most. Plus, the ice cream really helps when your feeling down or just any day in general.

I went home and fell asleep for a few hours since going to counseling makes me tired and slightly stressed. When I woke up, it was late so I just stayed up and watched my new favorite show on Netflix. I think my mom would've gotten onto me about being up that late, but she understood that today was hard and let it slide. Although, after a few episodes I fell asleep on the couch, and some sneaky ninja in my family covered me up with a warm blanket.

A/N: 574 words! Yipee! Also, its like midnight but I had a major project tonight. I already finished it though, so no worries. Hope y'all enjoyed the chapter! It would be nice if y'all could vote or comment, it means a lot.

~ Stormy-Heart