Finding Their Way

Chapter Four

The rest of the night was incredibly awkward between Matt and Danni. Neither one spoke a word to each other the rest of the night. They lay in silence both unable to sleep, there was just so much to say. But neither knew where to begin. Matt wanted to understand Danni, he wanted to help her but anymore he felt pushed away because Danni always ran away. She always wanted to do things for herself with no help from anyone. Why get married then? Matt wondered. Marriage is suppose to be between a man and a woman to work together through whatever came their way. At least that's what Matt thought. Had he also been shutting Danni out? He wasn't sure. Maybe they needed help. Maybe they couldn't handle their problems on their own. He loved his wife, still does. He wants it to work. He couldn't think of a life without his wife and being the every other weekend kind of dad. He didn't want that. Did Danni? He'd hoped not. He turned his head in the general direction of his wife and just stared. 

"Why are you staring at me?" Danni asked 

"Do I have to have a reason?" Matt replied

"Well it's dark and you can't see me."

"So..."

"You make no sense sometimes."

"Neither do you. But I still love you. How do I know you weren't staring at me first."

"Did you feel like you were being watched?"

"Sometimes. There's so much noise. Can't you hear it?"

"Yes. I hear it. But what can we do to stop it?"

"I don't know. We obviously can't not fight when we talk. Everything has gotten so out of hand, where do we even start?" 

"I have no idea. Any ideas?"

"Listening to each other and stop putting words in the others mouths. Trust each other. Danni, honey I meant what I said earlier. There is nothing I'd be embarrassed to tell you. I'd never hurt you like that. I love you. I can't imagine a life without you or being the every other weekend kind of dad. Don't shut me out. Let me help you. That's what marriage is. Two people being married for the rest of their lives. To have and to hold, through sickness and health, through good times and bad times, for richer or poorer. I swore that it would be you. But you push me away anymore. Being childish sometimes isn't always a bad thing."

"Yes. Sometimes. But I feel like you never stop being childish. I feel like I'm the adult in the relationship taking care of three kids."

"It's because you have yourself so stressed out you don't know how to relax and let loose anymore."

"We only have one shot at raising our kids. I want to do whats right and best for them."

"Danni, honey. We've talked about this. The kids aren't going to remember what they ate, or what they drank. If there milk was 2% or whole. But what they are going to remember if we don't change something is their parents constantly at each others throats. They don't deserve that. Danni you are so set on being ok that even when you are not you still try to save face. Then you're stressed out because you don't know what to do but you don't want to ask for help because you want to do it on your own. Then the problem doesn't get solved and then you just stay so tense and hateful. Then all problems pile on top and it just doesn't work."

"But I feel like I can't come to you or anyone. I don't want my problems to be yours or anyone else's."

"Honey, I understand that. But that's why we are married. We are partners. You lean on me, I lean on you that's how it goes."

"I want to but I don't know how to."

"Write it out, give it to me and then we can discuss the following."

"Do you think it'll work?"

"Why wouldn't it? It's a form of talking and it lets me know what's going on so I can help you. It's worth a try."

Danni is silent as if she's thinking about this and then scoots over to Matt and lays her head on his chest. This is her way of trying to fix their relationship. 

"Ok. It's worth a try. Let's get some sleep. Big day tomorrow." They fall asleep in each others arms.