Obvious Truth, Oblivious Mind {ZIAM}

Ch. 9: Goodbye Recent Lover

❝

Liam,

I remember you asking me a lot of questions about Perrie and our relationship. And how out of nowhere it seemed. I agreed with you. And sometimes I worried about my character, that I was slowly losing myself by being with Perrie. I mean, what kind of monster uses a girl likes you more than you deserve. The worst part is that sometimes I didn't even care. So much so that even though I knew our relationship wasn't right, I still wanted to be with her. Towards the end I didn't want to break up with her. I wasn't in love but she smelled nice and she was fun to hang out with and I was comfortable. She convinced me that I was a better person than I was. Of course she never would've said that had she known what a horrible person I am. I care for her. We dated for a year, and even though my feelings hadn't changed, I still missed her. when she left. I heard the other day that she is with this other guy who treats her better than a museum treats their most rare and delicate piece of art. I'm relieved, she deserves that more than anyone. But she's not delicate. When we were together, her friends played around in this little band they called "Rhythmix" but changed it to "Little Mix" for some reason. Something about a charity in Brighton or something. She doesn't need me, she never has. And neither do you, Liam. That's why I'm writing this stupidly long letter.

❞

After a year long relationship, Perrie broke up with me.

She was at my house, and we were kissing before I heard the tea screaming on the kettle downstairs. I must've forgot to close my sketchbook because Perrie wasn't the type of girlfriend to snoop through my stuff. She trusted me; that was the problem.

When I came back upstairs she was sitting on my bed where I left her, but with my sketchbook in her lap. There were dozens of pictures of Liam in there in different techniques, some abstract some not. But she knew who they were. I saw tears in her eyes as she looked up at me. I saw the gears in her mind spin until she came to the right conclusion.

My voice shook with fear, no one knew. For the longest time no one knew anything.

She closed the sketchbook with shaking hands and got up from the bed.

"It was always him wasn't it?"

"Perrie, wait-" I had never wanted her to stay so much. I saw her hurt blue eyes and I wished with all my might that I could love her. That I could stop thinking about Liam, but I couldn't.

"I don't understand," She whispered, looking anywhere around the room but me.

"Neither do I," I said.

She looked up at me furiously, "You understood enough. Did you ever have feelings for me?"

My throat felt tight and dry like I choked on sand.

She nodded before stepping around me and striding out of the house, head held high to the sunshine.

She never came back.

I knew that after we left six form that Little Mix's music career finally took off. I knew that some of the songs were about me, and it hurt to hear them on the radio because now they were in a song that she wrote years ago. To me they were like old scars that never healed just right. Because I used her. She never told my secret though, and for that I'm still grateful.

I remember her telling me about her music career and how she wished to make a dozen albums. She doesn't know this, but I buy her music and merch whenever they come out. I've never worn any of the shirts or wristbands or taped the posters, instead I put them in a box under my bed. The least I can do is support her while she tries to make her dreams come true.

About a week after we broke up I put a note on her desk. I don't really remember what it said.  She left a note on my desk too. I didn't know what it meant until recently.

Thanks for the inspiration, but now I'm grown.

 xo Perrie

------------------------

But seriously if you haven't listened to Grown by Little Mix then.... GIIIIIRRRRRRLLLLLLL get on it!!!!!!!