Losing All Hope
"Have you ever wondered what your last moment of life would be like? I have. Now I know."-Micah McBain
"I don't have time for that Vanessa!" Her mom shouted with the hint of annoyance. Dejected emotion flashed on her face. She had nothing to do but to heaved a sigh before heading back to her room. She's already expecting that reply, for a reason that it's always like that. She's invariably receiving rants from her parents. She wanted to bang her head on the wall for at certain reason that she didn't know what to do anymore to please her parents. Vanessa is real depress of her odd situation. She’s loosing all her hope. She's tired of being bullied, bugged, getting deserted, made fun in school just because her parents were too busy with work and other stuffs and left no time for her. She often receive messages from her rude classmates saying that she's adopted and all. At first, she slipped off the idea of what she have heard because she knew that it was not true. Considering that she thought that her parents were busy providing what they need. But on the latter, she have noticed that each of it were possibly right. All she wanted now is someone to listen and to clarify her thoughts, but the problem is who would be that someone when she didn't have any friends? When her parents were too busy with the other stuffs? Who would that be? The girl who stick mean note to her locker just to say that she's an adopted child? Her classmates that would call her names? She has no one. Tears are rolling down, she was a girl who was really crying herself to sleep each night.
"I wish someday I will have that someone who can understand me." She said before closing her eyes to sleep.
The next morning, nothing was left in the house except her. Mess was scattered all over the place. And again, she had nothing to do but to keep the house free from dirt because she already knew the possibilities of not doing anything. Subsequently, she went to school even if she did not desire to. Inasmuch as she wanted to stay and avoid her classmates she didn't have any option since it's their performace day.
"Oh here comes the poor girl, how's life of being an adopted child Vanessa? How was it when you have no one to be with?" A boy standing in front of her asked with a mocking face. She looked away and pass through the guy. She didn’t want to hear anything that would make her want to freak-out. She's tired of hearing those lines everyday, she's knackered of explaining of what's the truth behind all their bogus.
Later that day, while walking down the streets she saw her parents inside a mini shopping center. Her parents was with her siblings. Yes, she has a little sister and brother. She knew that she's not an adopted child because she was her parent's mistake. Their accident. Their unwanted creation. Their Vanessa. She wanted to get inside the shopping center but she's afraid that her parents might get angry to see her face. She went home with a doleful feeling. Emotions filled up her soul while writing something in her journal. She's aching to end all the pain she's suffering.
"I wish someday they will see my worth." Knife at ready, she took a long breathe, just a slit away from getting free from all the agony. She thought the time was right. No one would know and come to save her from all the misery. Knife on the wrist she gave a deep cut to herself. Lying down on her bed eyes closed and blood flowing freely, she felt no twinge other than the one in her heart. But the heaviness was raising as if she was leaving something important behind. Just then her neighbor came to ask for something but no one did reply so she went inside the room. Seeing blood she panicked, and started acting hysterical. The neighbor called someone for help but it's too late seeing Vanessa lying in bed not breathing. Vanessa's parents were shocked when they found out what happened. They felt the chord of regret and everything.
Vanessa's mother cried when she saw a notebook above her daughters side table. She knew that it was her journal. The notebook that she gave when Vanessaa had her 16th birthday. She read her daughters writings with tears flowing down unconquerable. Memories were flashing back in her head from the very first time she laid her daughter in her arms and to the last time that they had their conversation. She didn't expect this to happened. She didn't knew that this would happen. The father of Vanessa shed tears when he read the suicidal letter found at the last page of her daughters journal on her funeral.
To whom it may concern,
I don't know what to say here but I guess my bid of goodbye? I've never written a suicidal note but as I guess I already have one now. I never meant this to hurt anyone, I was just tired. Tired of getting hurt emotionally, tired of all the teasing that I've got. Tired of my life. To Mom and Dad, how are you? I know you're reading this letter but at as of the moment I'm already gone. I knew I was a mistake. Something you didn't want. And I'm sorry for ruining your life. You always pushed me away whenever I need you both that at some point that's part of what led me to this. I never thought it would end this way but still I love you from the bottomost of my heart. To my classmates, I still love you though it hurts. I guess you guys are happy now. Don’t worry I will watch over you. To my little brother and sister, take care and I love you both. I'm sorry everyone, goodbye. Goodbye forever.
-Vanessa
At certain times suicidal thoughts are real and it usually begin when a person feels like the world would be better off without them. But the most powerful tool to help someone is to simply reach out with friendship and words of love and encouragement.
Ending a life is not an answer to have an eternal happiness. Problems come and go, but when you choose to let your self get depress, it won't help you, instead it will drag you down.
