Into the Heart of a Killer: Memoirs of an Assassin

Chapter Nineteen

"Ceseth," I said, walking into the room. He looked up at me and acknowledged me with a grunt before going back to his work. "This is important. You might want to look at me."

He didn't.

"I'm late," I stated, crossing my arms. That got his attention. He whipped around to face me.

"You're what?" he asked, his voice oddly low. His eyes were wild, though, betraying every emotion he didn't show with his tone.

"Late," I said. "I'm late."

Ceseth reclined in his chair. "Late," he repeated. "Late." He looked past me for a few minutes before getting to his feet and beginning to pace. He kept repeating "late" to himself as if it would become less true the more he said it.

"It's got to be Ebenezer's," I offered. Suddenly Ceseth stopped walking and he lunged at me, grabbing my shoulders and shaking me. I suppressed a yelp.

"Why on earth would you let him get you pregnant? You're useless to me pregnant!"

"It wasn't exactly my choice!" I yelled. "You were the one who gave me to him!"

"How come you didn't get pregnant before? It's been months!"

"I don't know!" I shouted over him.

"Fertility issues, I suppose," Ceseth snapped, pulling away from me. "There's no way you can keep this little...mistake of yours."

"It's your mistake," I corrected. "None of this would have happened if you hadn't hand-delivered me to his bedroom."

Ceseth, surprisingly, didn't correct me.

"I'm going to him," I said.

"To Ebenezer?"

I nodded.

"And what are you going to tell him, Jae'sa? That you're pregnant and it's his and you want him to, what? Take care of it?"

"I don't know," I said. "I didn't think that far through. Maybe he'll take it when it's born."

Ceseth let out a bark of laughter. "He isn't the type to settle down, Jae'sa, and especially not for the likes of you." Ceseth began pacing, a habit he'd picked up over the years. "You do need to go to him, though. I won't have you. Not while you're pregnant. The least he could do is house you until it's born and you can... I don't know, give it away."

I nodded slowly. If Ceseth was suddenly so open to giving me away... maybe I'd find a way to never come back to him. Maybe he'd forget my existence.

"I'll go to him," I said. "I can..."

"Threaten his reputation," Ceseth filled in for me. "He's a newly—incredibly—wealthy man. Many women will be vying for his attention and the men will be scrutinizing him. Having an illegitimate child will ruin him when he's this fresh into noble society. People will look down on him for dallying with people who are so far below his station, and he'll ostracize himself before he could ever join the upper ranks of nobility."

I nodded. My stomach churned. Pregnant. It was something that I had one day, long ago, wished for. I figured it was something almost every woman wanted in her lifetime. I had been no exception, back when Tane was still alive. I had dreamt that the two of us would one day get married and have a family of our own. In those dreams, pregnancy had seemed like a wonderful gift. Now it only seemed like a disaster. But there was little I could do other than what Ceseth demanded. In nine months, I would be a mother. The thought struck me hard. I didn't want to be like the mother I had once had and then lost. I didn't want to be a mother at all anymore—there was nothing in me that was made of "mother material." But then, maybe there never had been.

Ebenezer answered the door faster than I expected. His hair was disheveled and he held a glass of brandy (what I had soon learned was his favorite drink) in his hand. I couldn't stand the liquor; it was far too strong for my taste.

"Jae'sa," he slurred. "I thought I'd gotten rid of you."

"And I, you," I retorted. "Let me inside. I've got news."

"News?" He laughed but let me inside anyway. "What kind of news could you bring me?"

As I entered the house, I noticed many of his belongings were gone. He must have seen my facial expression, for he laughed again and explained.

"I'm moving," he said. "I've bought this beautiful mansion near the center of town. It's where everything happens. I don't want to miss a single thing."

"Well, I hope being a father doesn't throw a wrench into your plans."

Ebenezer paused with the glass halfway to his mouth. He eyed me, and when he saw I wasn't joking, he sobered up faster than I thought possible. "You're not."

"I am."

It hit me then I didn't truly know. Being late did not necessarily mean I was pregnant, but all signs pointed to positive.

Ebenezer slammed the glass down on a table, the liquid inside sloshing over the rim of the glass. "No. No. I've just squeezed myself into noble society, and now I've got a bitch like you pregnant?" He paused and stared at me with wild eyes. "Get out. Get out. You have no place here. I will not take you, and I will not take that wretched bastard of ours—yours. You're on your own. Out!"

"I'll tell everyone it's yours!" I shouted.

"No. I will not take responsibility for such a grievous mistake."

"Too late," I said, my mind sparking with a plan. "Unless... Unless you marry me. Marry me now, and when the child is born, all it will seem like was we consummated the marriage on the night of our wedding. It won't raise any questions."

Ebenezer stared at me before laughing heartily. "Marry you? Oh, Jae'sa, I think not."

"It will save your reputation," I argued, starting to feel desperation sink in. I needed him to take me in. As much as I hated the man, I needed his protection. He was my only way out of the life I had. And while it no longer bothered me as much as it once did... I wanted to escape, if only from Ceseth. I'd never forget the things he taught me, and I certainly would never forget the people I'd killed, but at least I'd be away from the man who had tortured me every day of my life and turned my very existence into something abominable.

"If marrying you will save my reputation, let it burn." Ebenezer seemed serious until he realized what exactly he was saying. He loosed a breath. He didn't believe what he said. "I'm not marrying you. I'm not... I'm not available for marriage."

"What?" I asked. "Of course you are."

"No, I'm not," he said. "You see, I'm already engaged to another."

"You lie," I snarled, taking a threatening step towards him. "You lie. You have no fiancé."

"I don't," Ebenezer said, his smile just as hostile. "I'll have you two meet. Come back, tomorrow. You'll see her."

Doubt crept in. There was no way he was lying if he could find a woman in a day. Either he was truly engaged, or he was blowing his money on hiring actresses. I wouldn't know which it was until we met again. I bit my lip. He could sense I was unsure, I saw it in his eyes.

"Now is when you leave," he said, picking up his glass and tossing it down. He squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head before slamming the glass on the table again, motioning halfheartedly towards the door. It took me a moment to gather my wits, but as soon as I had, I left without another word.