"Stop asking me about it! I told you that everything is fine!"
"I saw the fucking notice, Mom. It's been months since you paid a single bill. Stop fucking lying to me!"
"The Maya I used to know would never act like this," She said in that sickly voice of hers that was as close to insanity as I'd ever heard, "Isn't that interesting? I think your father's gotten into that head of yours with his worrying."
"Don't you fucking bring him into this. He has nothing to do with why you keep — "
And so onward.
It wasn't surprising. When you've spiraled down the same path over and over again — you know it's only a matter of time before it happens again. It's not a question of if.
The cracks became deeper. I'd never been taught how to control myself when I reached the boiling point. It always seemed like luck - whether you'd slip over the edge or not. And in the past two years, this was the first time I'd found myself there. It used to be that there was never something I couldn't handle, and I always had hope that things would get better. But as months passed by, the less and less it felt like I had a future to believe in.
Then today — the truth, or bits and pieces of it. My mother wasn't okay. And she hadn't been for a very long time. She had her own world up in the clouds — ones that my needs as a child weren't apart of.
I now began to realize what being an adult felt like. Everyone used to hold your hand down every step of the road. As you grow older — the fewer hands are there to pick you up when you fall down. No one is there to lead the way. It's your responsibility to figure it for yourself.
Later that night, my mother and I still weren't speaking. I laid in bed — silent tears running down my face in the dark. I wondered when she would come up to talk to me. I wondered when she would apologize for the things she said.
I waited a very long time.
My thoughts eventually shifted to someone else. Someone who — unlike my family — hadn't misunderstood the turmoil that circulated in my head.
"Please come back soon, Conrad," I whispered.
Before it was too late.
* * *
YOU ARE READING
Flicker Pain
ChickLit* * * Maya Smith is a girl living in a sea of trouble. She feels like there's nothing for her in this life, no way that she'll ever become normal again. Conrad Wilkins is a boy who's been bred from darkness and misfortune. He sees himself as one...
